Pushing Through the Blooms - May

Pushing Through the Blooms

April, May- especially this month I felt that my life has been blooming. I realized all parts of my life: art, career, spirituality, family, relationships, personalities, all of the specific parts have been not just growing but creating new blooms and fruits. Beautiful blooms of vibrant wild flowers and fruits are beating in my life. It's unbelievable how abandunce feels, and it comes with the season, it comes without a vivid notice. But that is the surprise of it.

In my art I have been prolific than ever before; I am gradually finding routines in my routine of creativity in the hours in the studio. The hours are getting longer in the gallery and that does not mean I am painting more, I am able to abide in the place of creativity and not run away. Which this creates more prolification. The accomplishments are coming natural: the fruits of this is also patience and endurance. I am able to stand through the long hours that I was never fond of because diving in deep into the oceans of creativity is pretty intimidating. But I realized just standing in the midst of those fears and doubts is all I need; the time passes. My hands are still creating and my feet are standing. Then I have not only created new layers but new fruits of personalities as an artist and as a human. I am trusting more of the strengths I carry in my artistic style but my core qualities that are hidden below doubt, they are: joy, understanding, softness, love, perseverence, and appreciation. They all bloom in my works and shine like no other season I have been last year.

Career, having the gallery space has transformed my career as an artist. I am not just an independent, freelance artist anymore: I carry a physical space that requires responsibility- the space is physical, the responsibility is physical. But that does not carry in a negative frame, actually, it gives a holy weight. That weight of responsibility makes my role as an artist more meaningful, visionary, longterm, and transforms my attitude towards it. I am not painting to make money, I am painting because the world has bright expectations for me. They are gazing at me with happy eyes. I create for something beyond materialistic exchange of this world. I knew having a gallery would be a milestone in my career. A stepping stone. And it has been more than that. I am rooting down so fiercefully in this foundation I have for the year, absorbing the ground of soil much as I can. And I dream bigger, deeper, wider to the world as an artist. Not to go higher but wider. Expansion to the world. Such foundation with the gallery have given me unbelievable confidence. I have familiar faces regularly come and reside here with me as a community, I have started a workshop, more people are interested to be part of my collection.

In my family there are still many things rebuilding under the surface; a lot of things are underwaters still. However, there is definitely an abundance of joy and life that were not present before. The season before was pretty much a barren land and I thought nothing would grow again. But time still allows sunlight, soil, rain, and nutrition; there are moments when connection and intimacy burst time to time. They are small, but those small moments are making big ones and I sense that a shower of turnover is coming. And everything will be reestablished. I think family was probably the farthest component that seemed to be far from blooming and fruiting; however, art is powerful. It has revived me to slowly be eager for this family again. To pray out loud word by word so more seeds will be planted here on the barren lands. To recognize when it is the time for me to step in again. It was still difficult to revive those times that should not ever come back, but I realized I am a different person, grown artist, who can not only the barren lands but a fast growing wild field.

Relationships is about intimacy. In any kind of form, I think I have always been avoiding intimacy even when I was in a romantic one. Friendship that carried intimacy was seldom but pretty secure; I am still truly blessed by them but I am experiencing that intimacy in person now. Meaning, becoming vulnerable in front of a loved one, sharing prayer requests, spending long nights talking about life and watching stars. Opening up my time to someone or anyone new has been a exploration but it was been natural than anything else. Intimacy seeps in slowly through that rather than emotional sparks. The friends that I have met through this gallery have abundantly given me sense of stability, connection, belonging, and love. Lots of laughter, lots of blooms. The first loop of friends I ever encountered was them visiting my gallery for the first time; rest was just a snowball. Intimacy grows intimacy, more laughter. More fruits.

I absolutely love what I do. And what I do absolutely loves me. The love that we abide in eachother have incubated new lives for a long time and slowly have been blooming. New births. I sensed this so strongly in the beginning of May where everything in mother nature was blooming. The pink roses in our backyard peak blooms right on first week of May. And I realized my thoughts have changed seeing a peak. Before, I would have felt such satisfaction and let go of some strength to less strive. Because there are blooms already. Time to rest and step back. However, there was a motiavtion to push more- further. This acceleration of life and movement on my feet has already got me going and I know this season of blooming does not last forever. I think the acceleration intentionally started mid April and until now, I am still moving forward. I will not break, because break is coming soon. And the next morning when the sun rises again, I will absorb that new sunlight again and grow more, love. True love.

Sorcière - April Blog

Sorcière, French: witch, wizard, whoever could make magic or mysterious power.

I connect the Sorcière's meaning not just a witch but directly to author Soo-jung Mock's definition: who (usually female in history) is able to think by their own will and able to make difference in the world. However, in many circumstances, rejected and crucified by the power of the goverment/world. This lies same thing with the whale; whale is an essential head of the food chain of the ecosystem of the ocean but has been hunted over and over again in history for mere commercial values. Without whales the ocean's food chain die off. Means humans die off as well. Artists are like whales. Same thing as Sorcières here - people who are able to heal people with herbs, able to connect with the spiritual beings in France back in the days. Probably women who were just slightly different, helping out the needs and the poor who were sick and abandoned from the majority of the world. But they were crucified.

I have always felt this weird disconnection towards the high gatekeeping of galleries- even though they are the ones that will bring me success. Or am I wrong? Yes, I questioned over and over again. And I might now, be a bit closer to the answer... Might not be. At least I am brave enough to juggle with the question that was under the surface. I feel a bit uncomfortable to match the gallery's style or my own unique textures being rejected. Either or, the fact that I have to change my art- myself- to fit into the commercial value. It is a bitter feeling, I might have to some time some day, but I have not until now. And I still wait for the perfect place and timing where the Sorcière will fit. Sometimes finding that place seems like walking on forrest where there is no path at all with bear feet. No one has walked that path because everyone goes towards the easy one. But the Sorcière knows, because she is able to think by herself....

"Who are Sorcières? who has wisdom and strength towards life, freedom, and living together. Even in the midst of the power of wealth, authority, and pressure, using all their energy that has been accumulated through experience and life- protecting life. Preserving life. That is the witches of this world."

I have just come back from this trip to Houston. I took my whole collection times two into a truck and drove to another city that I do not know anyone. I did not know what Sorcière was back then, but now I know, that I was one of them, because I was definitely drawn by a supernatural power to deliver these beautiful works with life into a place of darkness. And I realized that the markets that I used to do several years over and over, has become advanced into a bigger form of "Yubi's world." I was afraid, doubting, to drive accross states for mere artworks. But my feet knew where it was going, it was to do the magic of the witch, to feed the hungry and needy of the world, even if there is pressure of authority and the world. I was still accelerating the U-Haul truck no matter what was going to stop this movement.

There is power in the movement; and Sorcières know just naturally what to move. Nothing is promised at the end of the path that I am walking on this forrest. Sometimes, no, pretty often, I feel as if I am walking on the water. But I realized that my world is growing and getting deeper, that it is moving longer distance. It's spreading, it is melting, smearing like watercolor- slowly but moving. Art is like that, the power of life is like that. And through this, I am recognizing my voice getting bigger too. Not loud, but the frequency is much staggering and it is fascinating. I am writing, speaking, and thinking more about the world I have inside because it is growing like vines over the stone walls throughout the years. I am seeking more places that have empty holes where I can input my voice of life. I am tapping, tapping more. Rejection is not an issue anymore, it is about if I have been keep knocking so that knock will guide and resituate my direction towards a new place for me and my works to make the voice speak up. I am keenly and actively looking in the corner of my eyes... In a second the gap between rigid walls will crack out and I will see the seep of light, then I will jump right in.

Singleness - March Blog

"When we feel inadequate of being single, it connects to how we feel discontent of who we are as individual."

Singleness is a fairly new subject I have been pondering upon for a while. And it has been fascinating and challenging because it is a subject I thought in a different perspective as an aritst. As I have studied the pioneers of women artists in the history, singleness was definitely a merit for their creative career but was viewed lonely and childless. On the other hand, there were many who had fairly successful married/relationship life, although they did carry burdens of complication of relationships affecting their career and mentality. I discovered singleness through the teachings of Paul, and that made me realize I was actually leaning towards a goal in the future that I must never be single when I get older. And the motivations behind was not from seeking deep communion with a partner but the idolization of intimate relationship or marriage on social media, or my comparison of people around me seeking family soon as I can. Surrounded by those environment I naturally thought I would have to also, but realized at the back of my mind I thought, "Is it weird if I actually don't?"

And here is the answer I have found: singlesness is a gift. A gift as much abundant as being a couple or married. And I took time to confirm this myself because I had to find that right in my own life and career. Shifting into a career as a fulltime artist was a nervewracking transition which I naturally thought I would need someone that would support me with stable economic circumstances. But, finding joy in my career made me recognize there is something more important than stability. Is to have integrity with my work with first love, and to be able to give up stabilty if I cannot love my creative joy as the way it is: which is full of unstability, chaos, and spontaneity! Which I realized I was unconsciously thinking of a partner who could support my career. And I put this thought under the true light and realized, this was in a way wrong direction. I am definitely not ready to seek one for sure (laugh).

"When singleness is not appreciated, we tend to dedicate ourselves to work to be affirmed and appraised."

This is where my work comes in. I think I am still transforming my career from a way to be affirmed to a sincere joy to my soul. Artist career does carry much of appraisal and cheer from people, however, at the end of the day, I know I will do this even though if the world neglects me. This took a while but this transition really rooted me into singleness, orelse I would be striving to work for results, not for joy. And it's almost like I am dating my art, the relationship is just me and art, and it makes me very single. My time and effort, energy, mindset, are given most to one damn thing and that gives me satisfaction. Art does not affirm me or praise me, it's just art. It's pretty quiet but deep. And just reaffirms who I already am. Which is so beautiful.

However, I do have to admit, there are so many parts where I do have to be cautious so I do connect with the world and be not overwhelmed by the appraisals because it is inevitable. I do not see my career being a hobby that is only done hidden in the closet. I want the lampstill to be on the hill so all the world could see. But that is not the ultimate purpose, maybe secondary tie that tags along naturally. My ultimate gratitude is to be able to create and seek myself and the creator; to experience that singleness, my individuality, identity. Nobody defines who I am through a relationship but what I do and what I find peace in. That is healthy singleness.

"Singleness is to realize that the anchor of the joy does not depend on external things but inside me."

This means out of 24 hours, I spend the most time with myself. That's how it begins though. It doesn't mean I become a hermit. When those repetitive, alone hours accumulate, they naturally blend into the hours when I am with others. I am still doing the "single hours" when someone walks into the zone. And I am able to become more genuine self- clear boundaries, real emotions, vulnerability, sense of giving, and abundance of creativity. Meaning, singleness is quite opposite from a relationship- relationship bounces off that happy control to eachother. It's beautiful and thrilling. There is twice abundance of gratitude and meaning. But singleness, there is just one deep core sense of control to know where my joy comes from. It may not be as dopamine as another person may bring, but it could be more peaceful. And deeply echoing. Although such dopamine can disappear when the relationship ends or the person is not seen in front of my eyes, the anchor that singleness brings would remain lifetime.

What I am doing in my studio all day is probably something similar to that. Finding my ultimate control to peace of mind... Creating my world that is firmer and deeper that I can be the sailor to my boat whichever storm I may face in the dark oceans. And don't get me wrong, this is not just to become an amazing hell of an artist. It's to ultimately to share and give it to the world- even my singleness- because what I cultivate through being single is a tremendous bloom in this creative season.

cannot live without the external world, for sure. Because I am part of this world. However, it's about borrowing what the world gives granted - nature, people, universe, connection, air, art, history, creator- and to absorb them as mine so I could stand in a solid single and would be able to investigate the beauty that is revealed by myself, not others. This is the core journey of my singleness. Of course, it carries loneliness sometimes. But loneliness is caused when I have a hard time spending time with myself either I am listening to my complaints or I just keep self condemning. The practice of singleness is to dissolve all that, to sit with me whether or not I complain or self condemn, but to listen. Then they go away. And loneliness would slowly wither. Nevertheless, loneliness is a essential part as a growing human, isn't it.

"Be accepting of your flaws and ask help. Do not need to fake or cover the way you are."

I am definitely asking for more help after I embraced myself as single, vulnerable, and independent. Does not mean I am perfect I can do anything by myself. It meant I accepted the fact I am a woman owning a gallery all by myself and it is stunning! Means I could get advice and support from the community. I am not shamed for even to ask for mental support. Can you be there, just be there for me. That was probably the hardest thing I can ask for someone. But singleness means I am becoming more vulnrable and reaching for help. But this creates connection, sense of community, and humility. I actually realize I am not isolated just the fact that I am single, but more exposed to support and help from people. It's a quite beautiful irony.

Yes, I admit, for the longest time it was difficult for me to accept singleness. I anticipated the next relationship or acceptance through words- but I am now very excited to see the future differently. The future does not have to hold a possibility of goals that the environment has created around me - it should be wide open and free, just for myself who I am right now. And singleness has been given to me as a beautiful season, very unexpected, but maybe at the perfect timing. And I embrace- as a young, passion artist- to empower and be more single as I can be.

Steadfast Love - February Blog

Steadfast Love

"Choosing what your heart has guided you and to patiently go through the long process means to stay as who you are different for anyone else, that is the real courage." -North European Art museums, Soyoung Lee

I have always dreamed of artist life as dynamic, unstable, sparky, spontaneous... Maybe I fantasize the "life I dream" as something all the above. However, I realized those come after the mundane days accumulate. The flower blooms only after the same old sunny rainy days. Days of enduring not just hardships but boredom. Same things may repeat during the days, especially the days of creation- but those mean something. They are the nutrition for the dynamic, unstable, sparky, and spontaenous births of love and life!

Opening a steady space here, I realized sailing on means sometime accepting the boat to be on the ocean that is just still on the water. I am still sailing, holding onto my anchor, but the ocean is just so still. I can call it peaceful, but on the other hand, it could be a dread. But I have taken this season as to appreciate the view of horizon on my boat, the fish I can still eat, and the shade I can rest from the hot sun. I am still alive on this boat of journey and I seek to the things I am so granted of. Space, creativity, light, health, all the things that steadily love me, and the things I steadily love.

This is quite exciting because it means next (yes I am already thinking of the next season!) is sailing quite rough and beautiful waves. I will be sailing the dark nights following the stars and I will also could possibly be hungry and scared. But I am exploring... I am adventuring... yes. Abiding for awhile means in that little while, so soon, I will be accelerating. This just makes my heart beat so fast.

“The core of peace is to have discernment between what I can change and what I cannot." -Yeoul Jeong

I remember giving a speech at an art competition in Seattle for Korean art. "I used to be unable to embrace who I am, but I realized what I have been born with are the greatest gifts I ever had. As a woman, artist, an immigrant.. It's so precious." For the longest time I have never ceased to seek leap, travel, exploration, acceleration, success.. And I still do. But I realized all those were meant to lead all back to a circle. Back to who I am. Travel, art, faith are essential to my soul and they all served deeply to recognize the gifts I have been born with. I never chose them but they were there already. And I have been chosen to live this life so I can make them more abundant.

To recognize what is steady in my life is a parallel season of mine taking a steady space here to create. In a city where I grew up, where I spent most of my life. I am sinking to the things that have not been changed. To be honest to the things I never wanted to sink in. Family, home, Tulsa, stabilization in career, all the things I fear it might grab my ankle so I cannot fly. But I realized those are steady because, it is, love. I believe time is a vessel where it melts everything. Nothing cannot stand time. Humans, nature, we all get weary and change according to time. Some things even vanish. Our lives do as well. And there is one thing that does not disappear through the harsh channels of time. It's love. Steadfast love is still the same. Time never hits love. Love is like water. Like air, ice, a river flowing in between the mountain peaks... And this season I am leaning against those things that never change.

Dear Lovers

Thank you all for supporting my gallery and the opening exhibit; would not have had a place without you all coming and filling the space with joy and success. After the opening I feel so stable to be in this place, more. I feel like I found the stable reason for me to be in the space as well. I am learning steadiness and foundation through standing here in one place. Openness and embracing. With that heart grasping it deep, it makes me thrive more in creating. Thank you so much!

Yubi xoxo

The Studio Reader - January Blog

An Artist's Space

"I hold to the memory of some of my previous studios more than others, not so much because of their size, accoutrements, or location, but because of the small epiphanies that took place there. Such revelations move both forward and back in time." -Buzz Spector

I remember one of the first books I read in painting class at SCAD was about interviews of variety of artists talking about their spaces. Space, studio, seemed to be some kind of an idea that I was quite not sure how to grasp. Back then I was so caught up of finding the space in my heart first. I was like a fierceful farmer trying to cultivate a new land in my unconscious chopping and molding the new soil from the old, buried, abandoned land with lots of history.

A year and a bit more has passed, I have been through several studios I would call it, space dedicated to create. I am now standing in front of the largest space I have ever occupied. The space also has the most windows (much light of course) and sits on one of the busiest street in town. I have noticed my spaces in the past have gradually become bigger, exposed, and, quite wholesome. Not quite sure where this "Yubi's space" is evolving into, however, the time will show me for sure. And I am very astonished, happy, to see what I have been granted now. Just like a year ago I was cultivating the dark soils inside my heart- breaking down walls and filling the cracks, I have waited two weeks to have this old, chilly place break down into new white walls with clear crisp windows. The labor inside my heart has extruded into my tangible world. Jesus said whatever is sowed in the heavens it will also be reaped on the land, now I see it, it is an unbelievably beautiful transfer of love and energy I have ever seen.

More than I think of what to do in the space, I think more about the division between the life at home and life at this studio space. Does the space really signify my creating practice as "work?" if it does, where is the boundary that work can blend into my home? Or, if my creation is not actually work but just extension of becoming professional and still sitting on the edge of "play," how can I become more child-like when I am renting a commercial space? The questions circle and I constantly write down ideas and thoughts in my notebook to see what accumulates; I know the answer though: I just have to see how I live this out with two spaces, work and play, professionalism and enjoyment. The questions will become a healthy circular push and that eventually will lead me to another realm of my life as an artist and a human.

Before Winter Ends

"I need to be present and with the work at every stage of the game, and I need to spend time with it before I know if it is any good." -Rachel Harrison

The garden is always making new roots in the winter. It seems dead aparantly, but there is still life. I am creating a new garden again in a new land. I have grown into a firmer, stronger confirmation that the decision I made was right. And I knew that after I made the decision. While I went through that decision I did not know, but after it I was very sure. It has become more solid than ever.

Incubation is crucial stage for artists or any creators for conceiving the idea in our unconscious. Whether when not in front of the canvas or just sleeping. My brain knows that the seed of idea has entered my stomach, and it incubates for long time. It eats my readings, emotions, good people that love me, the nature that I see, and simply, time. Of course, long hours of sleep as well. Which when the season of incubation is done, a new work births and the winter is not finished yet. But right after that new flower is about to make that small green leaf, the spring is at the door. Such time reflects what my garden I am creating here in Tulsa. I used to think I am making way too much work for myself when I can just travel freely and create here and there. However, a foundational space made me realize that planting a location means way more importance of growth compared to traveling. It roots me more, and it makes me feel I actually want to travel more. It was the other way around, and it totally shattered my belief for sure.

Work and Energy

"The painter or draughtsman should be solitary.” “If you are alone, you belong entirely to yourself.” -Leonardo Da Vinci

I admit, my biggest fear was my hobby becoming work. That I would lose my enthusiasm and passion. I asked Fred, one my favorite mid-aged man who used to host my best friend from France in high school. Even after she went back to France, I used to go to Fred and Joy's house to eat Indian curry. It was about two Sundays before and I asked Fred "How do you and Joy seem to not lose that enthusiasm in life, even though you two are now retired, not young anymore?" Fred thought about it here and there and said it was the social circle he and Joy are part with, families, traveling, and exercising (he is an enthusiastic bike rider!). The two things he mentioned about social circle and exercising really struck me. Because I thought it would be more like work, calling, something to reach above the goals. I realized that even life is at the far end, there can be enthusiasm by different calls. Losing enthusiasm because my hobby became work is because I chose to give up that enthusiasm over reality and money. Also to keep my loving hobby as a hobby because I am afraid to lose enthusiasm may be another way to keep that enthusiasm safe. But I am not quite sure if that can grow though. So simple. But seasons come and go, and sometimes my creative may let my enthusiasm grow or sometimes be static. I can't control that. But at the end, it is a choice. Reality can strip away my gallery and money, but not my enthusiasm. If I choose to keep that gold. It's a choice.

One thing for sure, I had all the things that Fred said in my life. I had enthusiasm overflowing. And maybe that was also fueling to my life. I personally think it was the other way around. Art fueled the other meritful things that generate vitality- to seek friends, go to gatherings, back to church, closer to God, finding new exercising methods, playing violin piano again... Whichever works, it did work for me. And I bet, those things will keep me alert so I do not give up on my passion towards art even if it becomes work, and I also will not let it sit just as a side job.

I realized going to a place where my art has become "work," gives me super energy. I am so lively, I feel like wings are growing in my bones. I feel my art has become so... tangible. I am touching, feeling, smelling, and able to sense that unseen concept of "artist" becoming real. It's living. It has come alive. Which this is also a very different idea that switched around as well. I thought I would be dreading in the morning to go to the gallery. I thought I would be watching my clock to run out of that place to clock out. But I am under the waters when I am in there... The world passes that place with no time and I am sinking in that place with the fragrance of creation. It's unbelievable. I feel I am born to become someone like this, owning a place of art and garden... How on earth of a mystery I was able to choose this path out of so many out there to find the one. The key. I am getting goose bumps just writing about it.

Priorities

"The studio is at least in part a psychological construction, tied to the individual artist as part of the formation of artistic identity." -Howard Singerman

One another thing I have recognized having my space to take care of, is that time is so, so, limited. Meaning, life is also. It is like a flash, the time is granted to me in a limited amount. To me this does not mean I need to stop doing all the unncessary things in my life but it is to have wise discernment about what comes first. Since the gallery came to the uttermost priority in my time and life, actually, many other things aligned after that, and not only that, the things that did not meet my time to reach slowly vanished in my mind. And the more surprising thing is, I realized those things, relationships, desires that disappeared were not really important to me, after all.

The right priority helped me recognize the secondaries, and naturally vanished the tertiaries. To be honest the secondaries don't even surface everyday either. The worldly desire of mine to gain mere fame, trying to reach out to people for unnecessary favor, small little anxieties that roam around my head, doubt about future, the politics that the news talk about with emphasized terror and hate. Whatever those do not serve my priority just naturally vanish as I focus on my garden here. Because I realize the no matter how long and tall the weeds are, they have to come out of the soil. They must. And I realize they didn't even serve the purpose at all in my mind and my garden.

As an artist, if I think about the most important aspect I have learned because I became one, is that I need to choose what comes into my plate. I can precisely choose what I see, eat, smell, encounter, expose myself to. Because that decides on what nutrition I take in to grow new plants and creations. Here, priorities come in so quickly. And human's heart cannot have both dark and light. It's either or. Because I have one heart. And taking this gallery to make my garden was a choice towards light. I decided to sow beautiful things in the midst of doubt, darkness, and uncertainty. This was only thing I can choose in the midst of where I was standing. And mercifully, this garden is turning me into more light. More vitality, patience, thanksgiving, endurance, and hope.

Building Confidence - December Blog

Welcome to Yubi Studio’s December Blog 🎄

Building Confidence

"Confidence is a code that differentiates someone who just thinks and someone who actually could make an action."

I am a heavy thinker. But, I picked up this book called Confidence Code not because I was a heavy thinker but I wanted to rebuild my confidence. I wanted to flip that coin of heavy thinking. And definitely, this has been the book of the year that has transformed me as a person and an artist. I read this twice at the most important phase of my change of seasons and making crucial decisions. The book does not say about confidence is about boasting what I have or being able to smile everywhere as putting a mask on. Confidence is actually simply making an action, whether or not scared or peaceful. Well, most of the time, confidence is needed when I am feared and there are too many thoughts. These two amazing woman journalists write that women tend to wait until the "right moment" until we are capable enough, beautiful enough, or any time when we think enough to make that call. But the problem is, we are perfectionists! And, yes, we think too much! This is where confidence comes in. Stop thinking and just do it. But it's not just spilling the cup of water without thinking of wiping it. It's that confirmation that I will make it happen, I am already enough, and even if I fail, I will know that I have made that step as a clear mark of progression. That confirmation of my capability makes me move forward. That is confidence.

My favorite size of this winter has been 36 x 48. It’s just the right size to become both a portrait and a landscape… Not too small for a powerful deliberation of my message, but not too big that it could fit anywhere both domestic and commercial spaces. But mostly, it’s probably because I have had several milestone works birth from this size. Both portrait and landscape. I think my body just reacts to the size such positively and amazing works come out even without knowing.

Christmas is very special to me. Winter is. The flowers in my gardens all fade away during the season, but I believe they are rooting inside the soil to make new roots for the next Spring. It’s exactly like that for me. Which is so much exciting than the actual Spring. All my senses, they are ready to go into the soil. Under the deeper waters. For preparation, restoration, incubation… of beautiful things that are to come.

Thinking back then, when I was changing majors to painting, I did think long- long- because back then, first, I had less confidence, second, it was a decision I knew I will take responsibility of. I knew if I change my major to painting this was just not about changing the letters on my graduation degree but it was facing all the unseen unstable future with a career as an artist. I wanted to make a decision with responsibility. Back then, as I look back, there was something bigger than confidence. It was love. Even though I could not really confirm my capabilities as a painter back then, I knew I loved what I was doing and I was ready to dive in even if there was no bright future. I see confidence as an extension of that. Love creates confidence, confidence confirms again, and the love becomes strong.

So this transition season, 2025 almost ending, I have made a decision to rent a space for my own studio gallery. It was also a long long time of thoughts, but this time my confidence was way bigger than my thoughts. Love was already on the foundation and I was my own witness to it. And I just knew, my capabilities were above and beyond. I already saw beautiful world that I was able to create through my hands. And I wanted to live the present. Of course, I can save up more, wait, and grasp another opportunity that may come, but my present was just so precious. I believe God puts me here because there is a reason and there is no coincidence. It almost feels like I am deciding to move in together with a man I madly fell in love with (laugh). I decided to take the word from John:

"A 9–12 month lease is not a life sentence. It’s a test. A season of focus. A chance to build something real with your gift. You said you want to get out of your comfort zone. This is exactly that moment. Travel will always be there. But a chance to anchor yourself in a community, with built, in exposure, two galleries next door, and momentum behind you, that doesn’t come often! Sometimes freedom comes from stability. Sometimes creativity expands when you give it a home. If you take the space, commit to one year of becoming the best version of yourself as an artist. A year of focus will not shrink your freedom, it will multiply it. Whatever you choose, I’m here for you. But my instinct? You’re ready. Probably more than you think. 😉"

Fight the good Fight

"Confidence is my own judgment, not from others, if I can accomplish this or not"

My daily routines have been set here in my home studio for the past 6+ months. And to be honest, it cannot be more perfect as it can be. I am walking into the finishing season and I just ended my last painting day for the season. I might paint back if I need to breathe a bit or if there is something making me extremely angry and I need to get it out, then I will (laugh). But I know Christmas will keep me busy and highlighted. To be honest, such routine, such lifestyle is the perfect comfortable lifestyle I can't imagine to have anything more. At this point, my inspirations are like muscles to me. I have been working out the same parts of the body through same videos that I watch and I am capable to go through. But, I still sweat. But just like that the inspirations just flow naturally and I don't need to seek or discover new things because my brain is so used to the environment, the stimulus, and the creative routines that I take to make beautiful things. But this is why I have made the decision to take my creation to another space for challenge. I am breaking the comfort zone, I am breaking the usual flow. I am knocking into my daily routine so I will cherish a new one- no, I will cultivate a new one no matter what. I am fighting for a challenge. An action that may not be necessary, but rejecting to stay in the same nest for too long.

Because I want to become an artist who just creates, but could create anywhere anytime in any challenge. I want to see my creative power flourish in the smallest, dimmest places. I want my creativity not to become just a wordly value but a light and fragrance in the midst of death and war. My creations carry vitality and life, that is unable to be judged through mere numbers or names.

I think about this when there is light pouring into my studio in the mornings. My works look the most beautiful when sunlight hits. I always dream of having my works displayed in a bright lit, window ceiling room. It's just astonishing to see the creations with light meeting the actual bright light. Light meeting light? Yes, I skew my eyes with love and absorb the moment holding my tea. I absorb the radiance that comes from that beautiful encounter. This will what the people see walking in my new space.

The perfection called Enough

"We call perfectionism 'enemy of the good.' Perfection is something to let go because orelse we will never start until the perfect."

All my works are never perfect, even though I strive for that. I strive for perfection every piece. But I know I will never reach to a certain point called perfection. I stand in between the admiration towards perfection and the embrace of imperfection. I grasp onto the work with layers until I see what I see in my soul, when the excavation seems to be finally happening. But sometimes, actually always, the stubbornness towards perfection rises when I am dealing with problems in life that is not solving or I am struggling with an element inside me unable to embrace myself. So yes, my artworks and the process are an exact portray of embracing who I am. When I have difficulties of facing challenges and problems I cannot overcome, I make a push inside my works and I feel that problem has been solved. Not in my hands, but in my mind. And that is actually how I overcome wars, inside out. When I am not able to find a breakthrough in my works I decide to leave the brush and walk away. Then when I come back I realize I am a different person than yesterday. And I don't hate that creative block anymore. Even the block becomes a part of my art. Of myself.

Meditating confidence has enabled me not to become perfect or fake myself that I am, but to just embrace and hug the way I am now, here, and make an action. Or sign the work and finish. Or click that button so it is released to the world. And be satisfied, and be enough. This means I am deciding to not look further for different options that are too many in this world, but to say yes what is in front of me. It means I take the destiny called the "present" and live out now. The most young, beautiful self. I am such a heavy thinker and used to be worse, where I am searching, thinking, asking, for the best option. The best opportunity. Because I want that perfect outcome. But confidence made me realize that searching, thinking, asking, could be an outcast of indirect fear of not wanting to be satisfied now, because I don't want to admit that I am not perfect. Not admitting what I am and what I have NOW. And the things I do not appreciate about my present. But confidence is a flip of that. It is to look clearly of who I am now, this month, this year, in this city and home, this age, this experience I have so far, and to admit that strength and weakness I carry now. How I look in the mirror now. The numbers in my bank now. To encounter that and make an action according to the "me" now. It is not associated with the past Yubi who used to this and that, nor the future Yubi who will become this and that. It is a solely present, now, tool that I have disciplined.

This is powerful because I always dream of next collection, next place in Europe I want to do my residency, next gallery I want to be part of, next market I want to show... So much possibilities I carry in my manifestation mindset. These are all essential to keep rolling my lists of success but at the end of the day, I have artworks that are in my hands today, this moment. My feet is grounded in a place called Oklahoma, and I am growing as an artist and a human back home. Confidence has brought me to root down strongly. I do plan ahead and reflect back on past but I want most of my heart here in the present, meaning, I want to love and embrace who I am now. And it is possible through confidence and respect towards who I am now, in this moment.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 💚

I have such strong push towards “growth” everyday, and this 2025 is the year I realized “eternal growth” and “vitality” were the two main elements I found that I strive to carry in my works and as a person. Forever. So I see this year as mere a time of seeding. I have accomplished so many and met amazing supporters who reads this, but it’s just a beginning. And seeding is necessary to see the bloom. Some day. I did used to be a bit anxious wanting to be the bloom as soon as possible, but I realized bloom happens everyday. Especially during the process. The path towards growth, there are small blooms, flourishing blooms that I sometimes don’t recognize. But this end of the year I want to solidly recognize those small buds that were always growing out under my wingbones.

It seems as all paths have the pinnacle where it reaches the highest point. And I sometimes trip because I am staring at the pinnacle without seeing the ground that I am walking on. And my thoughts have changed that the pinnacle in my life is actually circular, that top point always gets me back to the lowest place. It’s this simple fact that does the magic: that I am able to paint everyday. This is the uttermost one thing I cannot change with anything and that always sets me to ground. When doors may close, my wrists seem to get weary, and I am thirsty for ephemeral things of the world, I hold again to this fact. And I realized that this fact is all I have to make this circular journey move forward every time.

Probably the reason why I get a bit in a rush full of zeal is because I am so eager to give my uttermost beauty, talent, youth, strength, to the one that I love the most. To art. Because today is the day I am the youngest and most beautiful. I do not want to scale or measure what I can’t give, but pour out the best I want to this matter that I love dearly. And I have made a decision to portray that- next year, with my gallery. I am so excited to share and cultivate Yubi’s garden even if it may be a little while.

Thank you all, all around the world, reading and deliciously appreciating my creations and writings. I wish you the teal garden fairy to sprinkle that warm fairy dust of creativity onto you this Christmas. Merry Christmas! 🎄

Hugs and Kisses,

Yubi xx

Rest - November Blog

Expanded Print Shop. Now!

New Prints! To be honest, it took the longest time to realize and admit my prints are important part of acquiring Yubi Studio’s pieces. I had to repeat some markets and getting advice from trustworthy fellow artists to bring in really all the artworks as much as I can to give the audience widest choices to take some piece home. Through preparing the print shop and expanding it it did take a loong while, finding old works, sold works, sketches, I realized prints are definitely an amazing way to archive my works forever. I want to do as best I can to provide many ways as possible to take my piece of soul for you - please check out the updated print shop! 🩵

Rest

I am currently on like a phase 4 or 5 now on my personal collection- I lost count. It’s definitely the longest and most intense personal collection. I still don’t see the finishing line but I am happy to be in the zone under the world swimming in my world still. I know my timing and the timing of the world will clutch like the clock and will be able to take these works to the world.

The most important theme I have been exploring during this collection is Rest. I have been listening to Alex Soojung Song-Pang’s audio book “Rest” since September, heard it over and over again, now on his second book, “Shorter.” It has changed my routines completely. I see my work and rest totally differently. There are several elements in Rest that I already apply in my life with my creative work but just the idea itself Pang brings it’s brain shifter. Rest should be a good friend to work, and work should be a good friend to rest. Work cannot exist with rest, rest cannot exist without work. How beautiful is that? Never knew. But a life savor for sure because creative work is another intensity of “work” that rest is crucial.

I take naps now everyday when I never napped until I cannot stand tiredness, workout with intention not just because I want to be fit but for mentality. I wake up early as possible because I had to admit my creative brain is freshest right after dawn, and I work 4-5 hours a day max. And I take 3 days off during the week (I am still trying this!).

I used to feel a slight bit of insecurity when I think about walking into my studio. I don’t know why, it was a similar feeling between reaching expectations and also a fear my work will never end. But such restful routines faded that away, I know it will finish today and I have enough to recharge, and be happy on my next studio day.

Studio Life Everyday

I have recently heard from people around me they would love to see when I actually paint in the space. I never thought such natural state of mine could be such curiosity of others. Because it is just part of me it is so natural, but because of that it is certainly private and personal. However, rooting in home for a while and expanding my world here in Oklahoma living with a family member definitely have made me grow into a comfort zone where I am okay when someone may be watching. But I do admit, when I am in the flow and ready to dive in I usually do not dive in with someone which having another person would be an external element to consider. My process is when I need to focus the most to my senses, touches from my end of my fingers, thoughts that constantly make conversations for the best creative output and of my aesthetic attraction.

It was after my long trip overseas Korea + Europe in July I realized that painting is not just a hobby or talent anymore, it is a commitment. Work. But in a good sense. Healthy work should give me sense of drive, fulfillment, and that work should actually cycle me back to wanting to do more and challenge in different ways. I think it took me half a year or more to gain such sense of that healthy work identity as I jiggled my rest routines, finding best time slots to paint, traveling in between to balance connections with my loved ones. Which, then, my studio practice - full time artist identity - work - becomes part of my life. Just so naturally blending into my everyday. It’s not about clocking in or out, because even when I clock out my brain is still actually working unconsciously even when I stop painting (this is why Alex Pang says activities that give good rest is so important to get your unconscious work from then!). This feels similar to having someone intimate in my life and getting used to their routines, communication styles, sharing enough so our hearts align together. Being patient. And finally, art has become not just the love of my life, but a faithful company I can trust all the moments I live everyday. Art is with me like the air that I breathe. It is one with me.

I know this is true love because it is making me healthy. Art is transforming me not just a better person but a person who knows that is best for me. More vulnerable, more open to challenges, more brave to dive into the unknown. It’s powerful what love can do. It changes my old thoughts that I had about freedom and responsibility. When love enters, responsibility and commitment are not a sacrifice anymore. But just another beautiful way to portray and express my passion towards what I love.

I am searching more time to sew and quilt my own clothes to extend my sewing skills. I want to go hiking more often because hiking in strange, mysterious mountains all over Korea, Japan, and Europe was something I miss and I would like to find more magical lands here. I am excited to collaborate with a Hanbok studio in New Jersey and I want to make it happen in anyways next year. I was told there was a ceramics course here in Tulsa for 7-8 weeks. I would love to take a course! I am getting back to violin lessons next month. I am figuring out a plan to find an airbnb that will allow me to paint for few weeks, because I want to go no small scale, might make a mess. Finally, I trying to imagine how it would be like to have my own dedicated studio/gallery space on Cherry street (a decision to come!).

Confidence Built

Studio used to be like a runaway from the world, people, the internal chaos. A sanctuary where I can encounter the wars inside me so I can find my true self and my inner child. After becoming a full time artist, I realize that now I sink into the studio beyond measures of self; but to gain power so I can go out to the world. And there is this healthy tension between the world and my inner sanctuary: when I am out in the world I gradually become so ready to go back to my sanctuary and create because I actually also receive such energy and power from the world, when I am floating in my sanctuary I am counting down the days so I can take myself and my works to the light of the world. Whichever I am, I cannot live without both. I know I don’t want to be an isolator artist nor a superficial show window artist. Which, such balance I have gained between the two and amazing books I have been reading about confidence, have given me such confidence that I am okay wherever. The essence never changes, and I just had to see and experience myself in numerous places. And it took time and patience but it was worth it.

This draws back to the same idea of rest, as our brain cannot work on one thing for long time, but need to switch up the button (our nerves). And the exposure in the world does it for me. It’s such a rest. Doing markets, being in exhibits, traveling, everything. I would used to think if I am not painting I would think “non-painting” activity, but now I think all those “non-painting” activities are just not literally holding a brush, but falls into “unconsciously painting” activity that accumulates in hundreds of layers and ultimately leads into painting. So they are mandatory. All the life elements should, for an artist. If it does not serve you to be inspired or push you to be back to hold a brush, maybe two reasons: The action really does not serve you anymore as a creator, or you just have not created that sense of connection realizing your creative work has not dominated your non-creative activities in life. If so, make it work. Take time to build that art overcome your life no matter what you do wherever you are. That’s what I have gained the past half of the year.

It’s Thanksgiving and I am very thankful where I am. I am very astonished how I got here. It feels like a while after I graduated but it’s only has been a bit more than a year… Nevertheless, I have lived my best and accelerated as an artist as much as I can. I am very thankful for the community, people, the neighbors that always encouraged me to be “Yubi.” Whatever I paint, wherever I am traveling over seas, what kind of decision I am trying to make they have just trusted who I am and who I have been already. I have received a quote from a fellow artist that really echoed me and will root my next season with light and salt.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Creating! 🩵

xx Yubi

Echos of the Unconscious - Thesis Show

Thesis show preparation period was like a dream… I still don’t know how I spent those days. It was not hard, it was just… floating on top of the clouds. And I look back now, that this period of time of “preparation” and “creation” will come back again and again. I realized I want to live my life like this, with the repetitive patterns of preparation, creation, and revelation. The perfect life cycle of an artist. I already cannot wait for my next cycle to come.

That week I was in my studio for creating endlessly, to reach the maximum creations that I can reach before the revelation of my final collection. I dressed up in my favorite Hanbok dresses everyday and went to studio. I visited Maria’s place in Smyrna to look for vintage frames that fit my artworks. Finding vintage frames for my works is now a huge part of the creation, which adds more time and intimacy towards my work. Almost like finding soul mates for my artworks without clothes (OMG!). I also ordered custom lights, I gave Chris my website to be inspired by my work and gave personal palette. The lights were beautiful, adding more personal touch to the lights that will be hung to my show.

Finishing up the last touches on my works were like putting lipstick on my lips before I head out and meet people; it was a preparation to let my works meet the world and be embraced. To be shined.

The three days of installation went so fast; but it was so full (full video on youtube and link down below!) I had my dear painting friends come over and be part of this beautiful collection. I personally feel very vulnerable when I ask for help which I did not ask for any except to Hoya; but my friends who are also painters in the same floor volunteered to help create a whole fabric full of ceiling and hung lanterns, decorated my screen for youtube videos… Endless. This is when I realized amazing child is nurtured by the whole town, a great artist is nurtured by the whole art school basket full of other artists. I cannot have done this without them.

나는 나중에도 이모에게 이야기 했지만 나의 개인전은 마치 결혼식을 준비하는것과 같았다. 나의 예술의 영원한 서약에 모든 사람들을 초대하는것과 같았다. 그 곳에 나와 내 작업들의 애틋한 서약식에 보여질 아름다운 꽃다발을 고르고, 천장에 실크를 달고, 은은한 호롱불들을 다는 느낌이었다. 3-4개월 준비했지만 마음만큼은 이미 3-4년 전에 이 예술이라는것과 사랑에 빠지고, 영원을 확신하며, 나의 열정과 젊음, 아름다움을 바치기로 확신했기 때문에 더더욱 더 소중한 첫 개인전이었다. 내가 진정으로 사랑하는 대상을 나를 사랑하는 대상들과 나누는것, 그것이 결혼식이 아니라 무엇일까. 그래서 한걸음에 달려와준 한사람 한사람에게, 내가 이만큼 이루었고 내가 대단하다 라는 마음보다, 내가 이토록 사랑하는 대상을 찾았으니 지금부터 더 아름답고 멋있게 이루어 나가리라 약속하는 자리였다.

Thesis show is what all MFA Painting students do, but for me it was a dream. I always dreamed for my works to be “hung on the wall as originals.” This was the only reason I switched my major from photography to painting; I decided to create tangible artwork that was one and only in the world, only most powerful when hung on a wall for people to physically meet and feel the presence. And here I was, four full walls of beautiful works that had pieces of my soul intertwined in it, ready to show my vulnerabilities, power, and dignity.

My solo show was physically and tangibly seeing my soul in a space through art form. Transforming the unseen elements in my heart into a beautiful form of fabrics, portraits, music, texture, flowers… Was a transcending experience. But it was a necessary one to communicate with the people who wants to know me. Connection takes communication, and communication takes practice. It is definitely difficult to really pour out my emotions and thoughts into a form that is actually visually present, because it carries power and energy which could either be powerful but also influential. But I want to use this vessel to transfer the most fragile, beautiful things to the world, because beauty and fragility are what ultimately defines human. What defines me. And this Thesis show was all about that which resides in me deep down with meaning. To capture and mold, then share to connect to the world.

유비라는 사람을 표현하는 공간이 아틀란타 다운타운 어딘가에 실제로 존재한다는 사실이 신기했다. 몇분만 차를 타고 가면 나라는 사람과 영혼을 온전히 느낄수 있는 작품들과, 꽃, 천, 호롱불, 원피스, 노래들이 가득한 장소가 있다는것은 놀라웠다. 그리고 내가 그 자리에 없어도 그곳에 방문하는 사람들은 나를 느끼고 나와 연결될수 있다는것은 강력한 사실이었다. 예술과, 장소의 힘. 나의 손끝이 닿은 모든것은 나의 존재와 힘, 그리고 따뜻함을 내뿜고 있었다. 그것은 내 온기를 그들에게 내뿜고, 어쩌면, 위로와 따스함을 전달해주었을것이다. 무엇보다 나의 작업들에는 생명이 담겨져 있음을 나는 확신한다. 그 생명에는 영원함, 하늘, 빛, 인간에게 필요한 그 단순한 모든것들이 다 있다. 그리고 그 장소가 아주 잠시, 열흘정도 머물렀다가 사라졌다는 것도 나는 예언적이라 느꼈다. 영원한것은 오직 우리가 보았다가 더이상 보지 못하는, 소중한 것들임을.. 예술도 그러함을. 나의 개인전을 아직도 그리워하며, 다음 개인전을 꿈꾼다.

Thesis Show Reception Photos by the Bakery Atlanta 💜

Closing Night Artist Talk Photos by the Victor 💜

Dedication to what you Love

The week before Thesis show was a moment to capture because it was like the dark before dawn, before the light slits into my studio. The first reason I decided to come back to school was to see my works hung in a wall, not in a magazine. Photography is amazing but it definitely give me dissatisfaction during process of not able to use my hands tangibly and having restriction of being displayed. And that dream was coming soon to be true, my own solo show. I was already quite tired preparing endless things for the show, however, I decided to really push myself and sit through the days in the studio. I knew this “last week before show” will never come back in my life, I wanted to give my best and all. I woke up a little earlier to head out home (I usually like to stay in bed/home long as possible!) and stayed a little longer in the studio. But I did try stay diligent and keep up with meals so I am healthy and energized. In these kind of seasons when I need to sincerely push my boundaries and have longer days, I feel a switch turn on in myself where I am eating more, being more active with my workouts, and taking notes of everything so I do not forget fifty things going on during my day. Maybe this is called dedication.

People often ask me, where do you get your passion from? And I did think upon this for a long time and I have a proper answer now: In the world, it’s not just few people who have passion. Those people are who “found” what their passion flows for. We all individually carry passion inside us, it’s just they are dormant until they found the right place to be poured. And for me it was a long path, taking different directions, making failures, changing majors, going against parents’ wills or the people’s words, and exploring. To find the right diamond I can give my dedication to. And I didn’t know it until I was really deeply inside the process of doing mixed media. It wasn’t a spark right away; it was an accumulation of everything that I have been walked during the years. And I think my biggest spark I felt recently was at the art market, having my own small space, and people stopping their step and walking into my space. It was the happiest moment I have ever had in my entire life. And that moment would not have happened if I did not make mixed media art pieces to present, nor if I did not apply for the festival, and made the brave step.

Dedication means I do not think about what I am losing. If I do think about “what I will lose” or “what I give up” it will be called sacrifice. Oh, I am not prone to that. I dedicate to my art because I do not know what I am losing and I do not need to know. Time goes so fast and I dive in so deep that I am just soaked into that moment of creation or meeting my clients. The week before Thesis was all about that. To really give my best to the works, to the presentations, preparing myself clean and beautiful to the world. To offer the best I can to the people who want to appreciate me. And another comparison with sacrifice, sacrifice will eventually wear me down. I think true sacrifice is only possible through the ultimate love, only available by the creator, as I am just a human trying to resemble a little of that. Dedication will be the closest manner. And it is a blessing of the life to find where your dedication is directing to. Matter of fact, it changes you. You are not the same anymore after dedication is rooted in your life. Because dedication is love. Love changes everything. Love is what you are trying to find all these years. Love is waiting for you.

Encanto - You are the Miracle

The most perfect and beautiful rewards is in me.

The reward that I have been waiting for is right here right now.

It is to recognize that I am the most sparkling masterpiece,

uncomparable to any piece in the world because there is only one of me.

Miracle is Me

Recently I realized I was motivated by a power, a power that was ultimately, not positive. That motivation came from the desire to be rewarded. The desire to be accepted to the people with no faces, or even people that I know their faces like parents, friends, and finally…. myself. I knew this overwhelming power residing in me for the longest time, and I can say this was the strongest aspect that has moved me go forward. However, I realized, the voices in my head that was endlessly saying:

“You need to be rewarded”

“People need to know your effort”

“That person does not accept your talent”

“You are this bit away from perfection”

That these voices were nothing but telling me that

“You are not enough.”

It was a blunt lie that was dragging me into a complete disaster because in this world that is not pat of me, nothing is called the perfect reward. We will forever be thirst for that reward, that fortress, that peace, that comfort… until we see inside us. The miracle does not happen external from me. It happens inside me and it is already there. This wintering collection was a solitary, lonely, cold journey during my winter break to really find that miracle.

The world, the parents who lived a different generation than us, the social media, is creating a faux imagery about reward and as an artist I want to pursue a different path than that. Of course, reward means the equal amount of money, compliment, and treasure that could substitute from our effort and labor. However, I do not believe that such reward ends from a physical manner but internally. A true reward should redirect our perspective towards our heart, our being, our existence, and the gifts that we have already possessing. At the end of the day as an artist, I wonder what the true reward is and I desire to let go of the true gift that is already in me.

Mirabel

This collection was special because it was started with no requirement from school nor a commission. I decided to create this collection just for myself. This fact changed the whole meaning of the work. It did not require any rewards of finishing the deadlines or being paid for a commission. The result was mere works done. And the artist. Who is just, me.

The days with this collection was a bit different because had the movie Encanto be a lovely company. The story of Mirabel directly connected to my color choices of mauve purple and the fantastical golf leaves to reflect the sparkles of the stars in the scenes. Mirabel is the only one without the gift of magic in the house. Because she does not have that gift of magic that everyone has, she always feels guilty somehow not being a help to the family. But at the end, Mirabel herself becomes the “key” and the “door” that rebuilds the Casa of the home of her family. She had no special talent of painting or flying or power, but just herself to become that key. She was the miracle itself. Nothing more. This message is the core message that my collection is offering.

As an artist, I have to admit that what I create defines me. I am intimately connected to the works I make and they reflect who I am. Meaning, I always struggle that good works mean good artist myself. The value of the works I create becomes who I am. Even apart from art, the words I speak, write, the good deeds I try to show to the neighbors… it all defines me. However, Mirabel shows that it is not the fruits that I make that defines me. Even if they are good rewards such as payments, compliments, and support from the world, that does not equal to the reward which defines me.

Actually, the most beautiful masterpiece that already exists in me… is ME. The reward that I am waiting for, that is beyond beauty and accomplishment, is to recognize that the creator who created all these beautiful works. Only the beautiful vessel could create beautiful things. It means I am a beautiful being, just like the artworks. Actually, it’s incomparable because I remain as a creator no matter what and the artworks remain as the fruits. It is the fact that I am THE art, the ART itself, that cannot be replaced with any other rewards.

Encanto

I do still struggle of balancing myself between the voices of the world and the voices inside me. But this collection created an anchor in my heart that is slowly growing…And recognizing the ultimate purpose as an artist why I create.

Of course I create to share my eclectic, unique, fragile, stunning world that is in me to the people, but before I reach out to the world, it should be a purpose for myself: it is for me to recognize how genuine and unique existence I am through my works. When I recognize that through what I make, there is subtle healing, confidence, and ultimately, a reward that is eternal.

Youtube Video

Empowered no.2

Behind the Scenes Youtube Video

Empowered

Empowered because of who is inside me

“You are bigger on the inside than you are on the outside. That is why man can create things so much bigger than himself or herself. Think about a massive auditorium that can seat 2500 people- this was first inside the heart and mind of the builder. He saw something bigger than himself in the spirit and he created it in the natural.” -All About Releasing Creativity, Dan McCollam

This work is an important milestone in my mixed media works because this work strongly portrays the empowered figure. The figure stands in strength, almost like a gothic or mythic figure, dominating the landscape. Unclear creatures that seem to be like fishes hurdle around the figure as if the figure is the source of home and creation. Since this work I subtly grasped the overall direction of not only my mixed media works but photography; the inner beauty that I have been talking about for so long was about something that lives inside me; it was that being that made me powerful. In psychology this could be said as unconsciousness, or ‘self,’ but in truth, I believe this is God of heaven- the King inside me. It took a while until now to reach this point along with personal meditation, waiting for his voice and revelation through the Word. But it is indeed true, and I cannot deny. “Do you know and understand the creative capacity we have with the mind of Christ and Holy Spirit living in us? Don’t underestimate your creative inheritance.”

...이는 너희를 어두운 데서 불러 내어 그의 기이한 빛에 들어가게 하신 이의 아름다운 덕을 선포하게 하려 하심이라

-베드로전서 2:9

우리 안의 영원한 왕이 사신다. 예수 그리스도. 너무 뻔한 이야기, 하지만 우리는 각자의 길을 통해 그 곳에 다다르지 않으면 결코 믿지 못할것이다. 오늘 주일 설교 ‘다시 믿음으로’ (한성교회 도원욱 목사님)에서 “얼치기로 믿는 믿음 보다는 성실한 회의감이" 우리를 진실된 신앙으로 이끌것이라고 말한다. 도마의 의심, 만지거나 보지 못했던 그 종교적인 믿음에 손 내밀어주신 예수님. 믿음은 이해가 따르는것이다. 믿음과 궁금증 사이에서 늘 실랑이한다. 특히 나의 부르심과, 나의 예술 작품에 대해서. 내가 찍어놓고도, 내가 만들어놓고도, 나 스스로 정확히 읽지 못할 때가 너무 많기 때문이고, 이 작업들에 하나님께서 주관하신다는 손길에 대한 확신도 부족했기 때문이었을것이다. 그러나 오늘 하나님은 예배 속에서 정확히 말씀하시며 보여주셨다. 너가 그린 모든 이들이 나라고. 나 그 자체라고.. 위대하시며, 빛으로 어둠을 덮으시고, 가장 까만 밤에 일어나시는 분. 그의 주변으로는 생명이 피어오른다. 진리이고 생명이다. 이 깨달음의 시작, 즉 궁금증의 시작, 이 이 작업이기에 이 작품은 내게 특별하다. 소중하다.

Art Vlog Behind the Scenes. Paint with Me

The Woman at the Well

Dear Samaritan Woman

This story is in the New Testament, and it was the core story of my final collection in my Masters Program of Fashion Photography. The Samaritan woman is at the well, in the middle of nowhere, came from the neighborhood to get the water back home. She sees Jesus, and gives him water. She had men in past, even in present she says she does not have anyone. Jesus offers her a living water that will never run dry. She throws away the bucket and goes to the neighborhood to tell people that she has met the savior. The rain represents a similar thing to rain shower in spring, something so accidental but welcoming. The bird is about to either fly away for a shelter, or flying in closer to the woman from the rain. Either or the movement of the bird represents new life and new motion.

Art Vlog

Garden of Madam Proust

Hana

This work was right in between first start of mixed media art and the second push which I had a specific style. It did seem like it had a lot of things I want to test and trial, and I think it was not an easy push because it seemed like I was pushing to the uncertainty. Plus, this was 11 x 17 inch size which was larger than my usual working size. But funny story after working on bigger size it was definitely harder for me to go back small. This work was meaningful to me as it was a certain marking point to have Hanbok design and Asian figures show dominant in my paintings. I was in the midst of finding my specific color already in the mixed media art and I was leaning towards more into the roots of my nationality. Even if I tried to make the work so ‘oriental,’ I realized how much western aesthetic I have in me that is constantly expressed because of my upbringing. It took time to embrace both with a settle balance, I am still in process, but it was a good practice to concern during my entire practice in the future as well.

Art Vlog

The Well

The Well

This was the second piece from the Bleeding Cloak. The only similarities is that it was in the same 48 x 48 inch wood panel, the difference is that the color palette was based from a foggy view of Chicago city view, and the whole imagery was from my mind, with no prototypes. I wanted to use more fabric than before which I brought out a big roll of vintage fabric I got at the vintage mall in Valley, Alabama (my favorite playground!). To be honest I did not know the final imagery was going to be a close connection to the original photograph narration, which was the story of the woman who met Jesus at the Well in Samaria. The dripping paint was something I did unconsciously over and over again and it happened here also. And seeing the dripped paint on her shoulders on the fabric gave me a push to make that drips more dramatic and emotional. By printing the front hand again and sticking in front of the fabric made her come out of the surface, which made me paint over the tips of the landscape to give that magical, foggy, amazon-looking, background that I love.

This work is very meaningful because I have drawn out the exact same story from the photograph, into a mixed media form. The story remains the same, but the medium changed and it brings different reactions. Depending on how you see, she may be in the midst of salvation, or right before receiving the water of living life. Also it was fascinating to see how elegant the work turned out with the color palette of cityscape, which I do not like too much (I am such a suburb girl). The expansion of colors are just unlimited.

Coincidently, I had been working with a clothing design lab in Atlanta to prepare for my boutique. This was my second sample, and I did a two piece. With school I did not have time to surf the fabric store but I realized I had much fabric left in the roll, and took it to the lab for the second sample. And I realized before returning to Tulsa that I have a matching outfit with my artwork. How stunning!

Art Vlog

Thumbelina

Thumbelina

Thumbelina was one of the first fairy tales I encountered even before the Disney princesses. It was written by Hans Christian Anderson, just as other Disney princesses were written by, but the Thumbelina princess was never part of the Disney princess line because the first movie was created from Warner bros, not from Disney. I used to watch that movie so many times in my childhood in that small room of mine that had a window that could see the sunset with blue night skies. I still remember Thumbelina constantly singing in her chores, serving the grumpy frog family, and even under the stars under the moon light. I did not expect for such imagery to come out when I began this artwork, but I was happy to touch upon my first princess in my memories. Even though she was so small, she was brave to go out to the world and fly with the prince. And wow, now I think about it, the prince was small as her. Her bravery and consistency brought her to meet somebody that was just like her own, and she was able to create a new world that she only imagined.

Even though sometimes my abilities, my hope seems like a size of a thumb or smaller, the singing and the practice of finding joy in the moonlight should not stop. I believe the story of Thumbelina makes us question if we are wanting to see us as a small one, because the story we are supposed to carry is so vast and deep. If I remember correctly, at the end, Thumbelina gets pair of magical wings, just like the prince does. She is now free, and her life is not on the ground anymore. Whether or not we are tiny in size compared to the world or others, if we have wings, we are able to fly. And to become free. And I believe that is called Love. Spirit. And courage.

Behind the Scenes Youtube

Belluga

Belluga

This work was the most moving, active in action kind of a work. My figures are usually standing, day dreaming something… But from the work “Self Denial” I really wanted to repeat that diagonal composition, also the sway of the clothing and the wind. This was the first work after the first series, which I was very excited to challenge a different color palette with some additional element added to the figure. Using the fabric as the garment was another shift, as it added a huge 3-dimentional quality that I was looking for. I still think where I should make the garment as fabric, and which part of the garment as paper. Mentally in this stage of work I had a lot of energy to express. I just finished first few series and they felt like small babies. I was ready to push my limits and try something different, way different- to go beyond my repeating habits. I thought it was not the time to create focused vision, but to explore as much as possible. Just the fact of adding the background, fabric on garment, and belluga were a lot to digest and my energy was big enough to take all that into one.

As you will hear in the behind the scenes video, Belluga has that characters that I really want to resemble; they are vast, powerful, and free, but so pure at the same time. The freedom that they show in water is what I want to experience in my own art, and I believe that comes from just embracing and becoming just the way I am. Insecurity comes from not knowing who I really am, which confidence and freedom comes from the courage to really investigate and encounter who I am even though if that is flaws or strengths. It all connects as a person and an artist, and every time I see Belluga they always have that quality of being free of their existence. Plus the fact that they swim and dance in water is a joy to watch. I believe it is a similar act when I know myself as the way I am, and being okay about it. Then fears and traumas won’t be a huge issue to give up or neglect. Ah, I wish seeing those Bellugas again.

Behind the Scenes Youtube Video

The Bleeding Cloak

48inch x 48inch

Left is the prototype, 8 x 10, right is 48 inch wide and 48 inch tall. Yes, I have challenged to really big- it wasn’t my choice but it was the amazing assignment (laugh). I still remember the thrills I had as soon as the assignment was announced, the peers were mourning, but I was screaming inside. Because I have been waiting to make my mixed media go ALL OUT. And it was a surprising joy, to paint so much and be creative in a space that felt like limitless wide ocean.

Let me tell you the reasoning behind my two works. As an artwork that I work solely by myself and photography that usually needs a help of a third person in front of my lens. For the longest time photography was my best friend, who let me have companies that they would share their stories to me. Then I would share mine, and I could capture the essence of our presence together. Fashion was just a helper, the core was the company I needed to learn about the world, humanity, eventually, myself. Then this quarter I believe, I was pushed by all that courage that photography built upon me for the past ten years. If photography was like a stage for me where I could act and sing along my aesthetic melody to the audience, now it was time to really dive in and encounter myself in the mirror. Art is like mirror to me. It gives me a reflective space where I am able to see my shadows. My darkness. That’s what I wanted to do. Now I know, finally.

I actually do not know exactly why this was named Bleeding Cloak. Maybe the time period when I worked on this I was meditating about the bleeding women in the gospel, as she touches the cloak of Jesus she is immediately healed. The cloak/fabric part is very meaningful to me in this work, especially in the 48inch one, so hope the meditation, the joy of healing from Jesus- will be delivered.

Empowered

Empowered is the best word I could describe my figures in my artwork. In my photography, the dominant emotions that my females carry represents what I have; loneliness, regretfulness, longing, sadness, fear, insecurity, calmness… Photography is great and clear, but it still delivers only what it sees. So I transfer it through my painting. And my painting, mixed media medium, expresses what a female figure has beyond those emotions. It reflects on what I truly am beyond the past and traumas. It speaks as how empowered, powerful, holy, delightful, delicate, and beautiful I am. Yes, I create these artworks in realms of faith as it is written in Hebrews, as faith is believing the things that we cannot see. But I paint and create tangible things that are yet not to come, but already here. And that is me, that is you. The empowered, holy, enchanted creatures. The creation of this world.

내 작업에는 반복되는 요소들이 있다. 한복, 꽃, 빛, 사라져가는 형상, 바람, 옅은 톤, 반짝이는 눈, 같은것들이다. 내가 그리는 형상들은 내가 찍은 사진들에서 비롯되며 내가 찍은 형상들은 나의 깊은 감정을 내포하고 있다. 주로 그리움, 외로움, 후회, 갈망, 두려움, 불안함, 차분함, 같은것들이다. 사진에서는 그런 감정들이 모든 사진을 지배할 정도로 크지만, 나의 그림에 그 사진이 들어올 때 나는 그 형상을 감정을 느끼고 있는 그 이상의 존재로 바라본다. 그리고 그것을 그려내는 과정이 내 안의 그림자와 대면하고, 이겨내기 보다는 새로운 시선을 새기는 과정이다. 나는 고독하고, 눈을 마주치는것을 두려워하고, 후회되는 마음을 품고, 겁이 많은 존재이지만- 그 이상으로, 빛을 머금고 있고, 영적이고, 거룩하며, 힘있고 위대한 존재라는 것이다. 그것이 내 작업들의 형상이 말하는 전부이다. 보이지 않는것의 실상을 그리는것이 내 작업 가장 가운데 뿌리 깊은 곳의 목적, 믿음이다. 그리고 이 과정은 나에게, 그리고 보는 자에게, 엄청난 힘과 위력을, 소망을, 선사할것이라는 확신이 있다.

Mirror & Stage

거울과 무대. 요즘 학기가 마무리되어 가면서 나의 예술 작업에 대해서 많은 생각을 다시 해본다. 무엇이기에, 나는 사진 수업까지 잠시 중단하고 이렇게 무턱대고 뛰어들 수 있었을까. 이제야 조금 알것같다. 나는 나를 향한 거울이 필요했다. 페인팅은 오직 나를 들여다보는 거울을 해주었다. 그리고 놀랍게도 내가 카메라 밖에서 그리는 모든 여성들은 나를 보여지고 있었다. 강하고, 담대하며, 여리고 연약하나, 성스러움이 가득한, 영적이고 강인한 존재로 나는 나의 사진들을 다시 표기하고 있었다. 여태 사진을 해올 수 있었고 포기하지 않았던 이유는, 내가 타인과 소통할 수 있는 유일한 공간이기 때문이었다. 나와 누군가가 렌즈를 통해 함께 해주고, 우리는 카메라가 있기에 서로의 삶을 나누는것이 커피를 두고 나누는것보다 직접적이었고, 빨랐다. 그것이 나를 살게 했다. 누군가의 이야기를 듣고, 누군가가 나와 비슷하며, 다르다는것이, 내가 누구임을 조금씩 배우게 해주었다. 그렇다. 사진은 내 무대와도 같았다. 타인 앞에서 나의 이야기를 빛으로 풀어내고, 선사할수 있는 순간들. 그리고 타인의 눈빛, 리액션을, 바로 내가 직접 담을 수 있는 소중한 순간. 그 순간들이 길게 하나씩 이어지면서 나는 점점 용기가 생긴건지도 모른다. 이젠 정말 내 안의 그림자와 대면해야할 때를. 그리고 그것은 내 골방으로 들어가는것이었고 오직 내 안의 보이지 않는 음성을 팔레트로 내뿜는 일이었다.

Behind the Scenes Youtube Video

Unity

The Closest

There are different realms of close distance between you and me. We always think closer is the better. But as I repeat those relationships, I realize that the perfect, small, distance that we can find in between us is the golden rule. If we were meant to become one, we should have been born in one body. But we are created individually, and we live in different physical bodies in our lives. I believe God’s plan is not to separate us, but to find that perfect distance that make us feel actually united the most, incomparable to over-attachment. And as a human that is difficult to me, as I think finding that physical, mental distance requires respect, patience, and time. Interestingly, that starts with how I view my own self, how to give myself that own distance so I could breathe from people, the world, even myself. The true unity goes beyond just physical touch, but an eternal one.

The Hill of Calling

I am Korean

이번 학기 동안 새로운 사진 믹스미디어 작업을 하면서 나의 국적과 고향, 뿌리를 참 많이 되돌아보게 되었다. 작업이 진행되면 될수록, 나는 내가 갖고 태어난, 내가 선택하지 않은것들에 대해서 시선을 더 두기 시작했다. 그건 나의 국적이고 내가 생긴 모양이고 내 눈 색깔, 머리칼, 언어, 그런것들이었다. 그리고 그것을 얼마나 오랫동안 배타적으로 생각해왔는지도 깨달았다. 나는 얼마나, 나의 진짜 모습이라는것에 대해 진정으로 알고 받아들이는것을 두려워한것일까? 우리 모두가 그러하지 않을까? 특히 나는 어렸을때부터 외국에서 자라서 나의 자연스러움, 정말 내가 거저 얻고 태어난 것들에 대해서 쉽게 접하기가 어려웠다. 그러나 아이러니하게도, 오히려 모국과 너무 다른 곳에서 자라고 배운 나라서 나는 더더욱 나라는 사람에 대해서 관심을 가졌던것같다. 나와는 다르게 생긴 사람들, 나와는 다른 언어를 말하는 사람들 틈바구니 속에서 나는 정말 누구인지 알고싶어진것의 폭발지점이 믹스미디어 작업이다.

내가 선택하지 않은것들에는 많은것이 있다. 국적, 생김새, 성별, 재능, 달란트, 가족. 나는 달란트라는것을 그저 거저얻은 선물이라고 마음속에 다시 새기기 시작했을 때 내 모든것 중에 거저 얻은것이 아닌것이 단 하나도 없다는걸 깨닫기 시작했다. 조금씩, 나의 국적도, 생김새도, 성격도, 가족도, 과거도, 천천히, 나의 모든것을 이루고 있으며 나의 모든것의 중심되는 단 한가지를 말해주고 있다는것을, 나는 아직도 배우고 있다. 그리고 그 모든것에 대해 부끄러워하지 않는 연습도, 하고 있다. 나의 작업을 통해서.

그 중에서 나는 나의 국적이 아주 큰 부분을 차지한다고 느낀다. 다문화속에서 자란 나여서 그런가, 내게 정말 중요한 일부가 되어버린 문화라는것은, 우리 모두의 삶의 모든 부분에 영향을 끼친다. 우리가 미디어에서 보는것, 우리가 관계맺는 사람들, 우리가 다니는 교회, 먹는 음식, 모든것은 내가 어디서 왔느냐에서 영향을 받는다. 그리고 우리가 어디서 왔느냐는 인간이 본인의 삶에서 던져야 할 가장 궁극적인 질문이다. 우리가 온 곳이 있다는건, 우리에게 돌아갈 곳이 있다는것이고, 음식, 언어, 그 이상의 향수를 함께 공유하는 어느 공동체가, 이 땅에 존재한다는것이기 때문이다. 그리고 그 사실은 나에게 힘이 된다. 내가 온 곳이 있다는것은 육체적으로나 영적으로나 내게 깊은 안도감을 준다.

나는 진정한 아티스트가 되기 위해서는 그런 본인의 뿌리를 찾는 여정을 나갈 줄 아는 사람이 되어야한다고 생각한다. 그것이 누군가에겐 쉽지 않고 고단하고 또 두려운 일이 될 수도 있다. 어쩌면 누군가에겐 당연한 것인지도 모른다. 그러나 나는 문화적 영향이 얼마나 뿌리깊은지 평생 체험해온 사람으로서 영감에 얼마나 큰 임팩트가 될지도 안다. 그 탐험을 통해서 아티스트는 본인만을 찾는것이 아니다. 내 이웃을 다시 보게 된다. 공동체로 다시 돌아갈수 있는 힘을 얻게 된다.

The roots

This work I focused a lot on my Korean roots, intentionally. During my investigation of medium and style of my artwork, my origins and the cultural background really spoke to me. As a person living in so many countries growing up, not only my original roots are important but the multi-cultural quality that I have is all I have. It impacts my personality, my color palette, my subject matter, and emotions. I used to think cultural works are so mundane, cliche, and just historical, but I think again these days- the reason why they are meant to be in galleries- it’s because there are roots. Where millions, billions of people come from and could relate to. It means there are connections. History. And that is why it’s important.

I strive to become an artist who knows how to really explore that. To not be afraid to know where I exactly come from or what I am made of. Sometimes the most obvious things are the most important things in my life. Talent, nationality, appearance, sex, family, and religion. The mixed media art process for me is all about that. To remember what is really important to me, what makes me, and where I come from.