An Artist's Space
"I hold to the memory of some of my previous studios more than others, not so much because of their size, accoutrements, or location, but because of the small epiphanies that took place there. Such revelations move both forward and back in time." -Buzz Spector
I remember one of the first books I read in painting class at SCAD was about interviews of variety of artists talking about their spaces. Space, studio, seemed to be some kind of an idea that I was quite not sure how to grasp. Back then I was so caught up of finding the space in my heart first. I was like a fierceful farmer trying to cultivate a new land in my unconscious chopping and molding the new soil from the old, buried, abandoned land with lots of history.
A year and a bit more has passed, I have been through several studios I would call it, space dedicated to create. I am now standing in front of the largest space I have ever occupied. The space also has the most windows (much light of course) and sits on one of the busiest street in town. I have noticed my spaces in the past have gradually become bigger, exposed, and, quite wholesome. Not quite sure where this "Yubi's space" is evolving into, however, the time will show me for sure. And I am very astonished, happy, to see what I have been granted now. Just like a year ago I was cultivating the dark soils inside my heart- breaking down walls and filling the cracks, I have waited two weeks to have this old, chilly place break down into new white walls with clear crisp windows. The labor inside my heart has extruded into my tangible world. Jesus said whatever is sowed in the heavens it will also be reaped on the land, now I see it, it is an unbelievably beautiful transfer of love and energy I have ever seen.
More than I think of what to do in the space, I think more about the division between the life at home and life at this studio space. Does the space really signify my creating practice as "work?" if it does, where is the boundary that work can blend into my home? Or, if my creation is not actually work but just extension of becoming professional and still sitting on the edge of "play," how can I become more child-like when I am renting a commercial space? The questions circle and I constantly write down ideas and thoughts in my notebook to see what accumulates; I know the answer though: I just have to see how I live this out with two spaces, work and play, professionalism and enjoyment. The questions will become a healthy circular push and that eventually will lead me to another realm of my life as an artist and a human.
Before Winter Ends
"I need to be present and with the work at every stage of the game, and I need to spend time with it before I know if it is any good." -Rachel Harrison
The garden is always making new roots in the winter. It seems dead aparantly, but there is still life. I am creating a new garden again in a new land. I have grown into a firmer, stronger confirmation that the decision I made was right. And I knew that after I made the decision. While I went through that decision I did not know, but after it I was very sure. It has become more solid than ever.
Incubation is crucial stage for artists or any creators for conceiving the idea in our unconscious. Whether when not in front of the canvas or just sleeping. My brain knows that the seed of idea has entered my stomach, and it incubates for long time. It eats my readings, emotions, good people that love me, the nature that I see, and simply, time. Of course, long hours of sleep as well. Which when the season of incubation is done, a new work births and the winter is not finished yet. But right after that new flower is about to make that small green leaf, the spring is at the door. Such time reflects what my garden I am creating here in Tulsa. I used to think I am making way too much work for myself when I can just travel freely and create here and there. However, a foundational space made me realize that planting a location means way more importance of growth compared to traveling. It roots me more, and it makes me feel I actually want to travel more. It was the other way around, and it totally shattered my belief for sure.
Work and Energy
"The painter or draughtsman should be solitary.” “If you are alone, you belong entirely to yourself.” -Leonardo Da Vinci
I admit, my biggest fear was my hobby becoming work. That I would lose my enthusiasm and passion. I asked Fred, one my favorite mid-aged man who used to host my best friend from France in high school. Even after she went back to France, I used to go to Fred and Joy's house to eat Indian curry. It was about two Sundays before and I asked Fred "How do you and Joy seem to not lose that enthusiasm in life, even though you two are now retired, not young anymore?" Fred thought about it here and there and said it was the social circle he and Joy are part with, families, traveling, and exercising (he is an enthusiastic bike rider!). The two things he mentioned about social circle and exercising really struck me. Because I thought it would be more like work, calling, something to reach above the goals. I realized that even life is at the far end, there can be enthusiasm by different calls. Losing enthusiasm because my hobby became work is because I chose to give up that enthusiasm over reality and money. Also to keep my loving hobby as a hobby because I am afraid to lose enthusiasm may be another way to keep that enthusiasm safe. But I am not quite sure if that can grow though. So simple. But seasons come and go, and sometimes my creative may let my enthusiasm grow or sometimes be static. I can't control that. But at the end, it is a choice. Reality can strip away my gallery and money, but not my enthusiasm. If I choose to keep that gold. It's a choice.
One thing for sure, I had all the things that Fred said in my life. I had enthusiasm overflowing. And maybe that was also fueling to my life. I personally think it was the other way around. Art fueled the other meritful things that generate vitality- to seek friends, go to gatherings, back to church, closer to God, finding new exercising methods, playing violin piano again... Whichever works, it did work for me. And I bet, those things will keep me alert so I do not give up on my passion towards art even if it becomes work, and I also will not let it sit just as a side job.
I realized going to a place where my art has become "work," gives me super energy. I am so lively, I feel like wings are growing in my bones. I feel my art has become so... tangible. I am touching, feeling, smelling, and able to sense that unseen concept of "artist" becoming real. It's living. It has come alive. Which this is also a very different idea that switched around as well. I thought I would be dreading in the morning to go to the gallery. I thought I would be watching my clock to run out of that place to clock out. But I am under the waters when I am in there... The world passes that place with no time and I am sinking in that place with the fragrance of creation. It's unbelievable. I feel I am born to become someone like this, owning a place of art and garden... How on earth of a mystery I was able to choose this path out of so many out there to find the one. The key. I am getting goose bumps just writing about it.
Priorities
"The studio is at least in part a psychological construction, tied to the individual artist as part of the formation of artistic identity." -Howard Singerman
One another thing I have recognized having my space to take care of, is that time is so, so, limited. Meaning, life is also. It is like a flash, the time is granted to me in a limited amount. To me this does not mean I need to stop doing all the unncessary things in my life but it is to have wise discernment about what comes first. Since the gallery came to the uttermost priority in my time and life, actually, many other things aligned after that, and not only that, the things that did not meet my time to reach slowly vanished in my mind. And the more surprising thing is, I realized those things, relationships, desires that disappeared were not really important to me, after all.
The right priority helped me recognize the secondaries, and naturally vanished the tertiaries. To be honest the secondaries don't even surface everyday either. The worldly desire of mine to gain mere fame, trying to reach out to people for unnecessary favor, small little anxieties that roam around my head, doubt about future, the politics that the news talk about with emphasized terror and hate. Whatever those do not serve my priority just naturally vanish as I focus on my garden here. Because I realize the no matter how long and tall the weeds are, they have to come out of the soil. They must. And I realize they didn't even serve the purpose at all in my mind and my garden.
As an artist, if I think about the most important aspect I have learned because I became one, is that I need to choose what comes into my plate. I can precisely choose what I see, eat, smell, encounter, expose myself to. Because that decides on what nutrition I take in to grow new plants and creations. Here, priorities come in so quickly. And human's heart cannot have both dark and light. It's either or. Because I have one heart. And taking this gallery to make my garden was a choice towards light. I decided to sow beautiful things in the midst of doubt, darkness, and uncertainty. This was only thing I can choose in the midst of where I was standing. And mercifully, this garden is turning me into more light. More vitality, patience, thanksgiving, endurance, and hope.