Welcome to Yubi Studio’s December Blog 🎄
Building Confidence
"Confidence is a code that differentiates someone who just thinks and someone who actually could make an action."
I am a heavy thinker. But, I picked up this book called Confidence Code not because I was a heavy thinker but I wanted to rebuild my confidence. I wanted to flip that coin of heavy thinking. And definitely, this has been the book of the year that has transformed me as a person and an artist. I read this twice at the most important phase of my change of seasons and making crucial decisions. The book does not say about confidence is about boasting what I have or being able to smile everywhere as putting a mask on. Confidence is actually simply making an action, whether or not scared or peaceful. Well, most of the time, confidence is needed when I am feared and there are too many thoughts. These two amazing woman journalists write that women tend to wait until the "right moment" until we are capable enough, beautiful enough, or any time when we think enough to make that call. But the problem is, we are perfectionists! And, yes, we think too much! This is where confidence comes in. Stop thinking and just do it. But it's not just spilling the cup of water without thinking of wiping it. It's that confirmation that I will make it happen, I am already enough, and even if I fail, I will know that I have made that step as a clear mark of progression. That confirmation of my capability makes me move forward. That is confidence.
My favorite size of this winter has been 36 x 48. It’s just the right size to become both a portrait and a landscape… Not too small for a powerful deliberation of my message, but not too big that it could fit anywhere both domestic and commercial spaces. But mostly, it’s probably because I have had several milestone works birth from this size. Both portrait and landscape. I think my body just reacts to the size such positively and amazing works come out even without knowing.
Christmas is very special to me. Winter is. The flowers in my gardens all fade away during the season, but I believe they are rooting inside the soil to make new roots for the next Spring. It’s exactly like that for me. Which is so much exciting than the actual Spring. All my senses, they are ready to go into the soil. Under the deeper waters. For preparation, restoration, incubation… of beautiful things that are to come.
Thinking back then, when I was changing majors to painting, I did think long- long- because back then, first, I had less confidence, second, it was a decision I knew I will take responsibility of. I knew if I change my major to painting this was just not about changing the letters on my graduation degree but it was facing all the unseen unstable future with a career as an artist. I wanted to make a decision with responsibility. Back then, as I look back, there was something bigger than confidence. It was love. Even though I could not really confirm my capabilities as a painter back then, I knew I loved what I was doing and I was ready to dive in even if there was no bright future. I see confidence as an extension of that. Love creates confidence, confidence confirms again, and the love becomes strong.
So this transition season, 2025 almost ending, I have made a decision to rent a space for my own studio gallery. It was also a long long time of thoughts, but this time my confidence was way bigger than my thoughts. Love was already on the foundation and I was my own witness to it. And I just knew, my capabilities were above and beyond. I already saw beautiful world that I was able to create through my hands. And I wanted to live the present. Of course, I can save up more, wait, and grasp another opportunity that may come, but my present was just so precious. I believe God puts me here because there is a reason and there is no coincidence. It almost feels like I am deciding to move in together with a man I madly fell in love with (laugh). I decided to take the word from John:
"A 9–12 month lease is not a life sentence. It’s a test. A season of focus. A chance to build something real with your gift. You said you want to get out of your comfort zone. This is exactly that moment. Travel will always be there. But a chance to anchor yourself in a community, with built, in exposure, two galleries next door, and momentum behind you, that doesn’t come often! Sometimes freedom comes from stability. Sometimes creativity expands when you give it a home. If you take the space, commit to one year of becoming the best version of yourself as an artist. A year of focus will not shrink your freedom, it will multiply it. Whatever you choose, I’m here for you. But my instinct? You’re ready. Probably more than you think. 😉"
Fight the good Fight
"Confidence is my own judgment, not from others, if I can accomplish this or not"
My daily routines have been set here in my home studio for the past 6+ months. And to be honest, it cannot be more perfect as it can be. I am walking into the finishing season and I just ended my last painting day for the season. I might paint back if I need to breathe a bit or if there is something making me extremely angry and I need to get it out, then I will (laugh). But I know Christmas will keep me busy and highlighted. To be honest, such routine, such lifestyle is the perfect comfortable lifestyle I can't imagine to have anything more. At this point, my inspirations are like muscles to me. I have been working out the same parts of the body through same videos that I watch and I am capable to go through. But, I still sweat. But just like that the inspirations just flow naturally and I don't need to seek or discover new things because my brain is so used to the environment, the stimulus, and the creative routines that I take to make beautiful things. But this is why I have made the decision to take my creation to another space for challenge. I am breaking the comfort zone, I am breaking the usual flow. I am knocking into my daily routine so I will cherish a new one- no, I will cultivate a new one no matter what. I am fighting for a challenge. An action that may not be necessary, but rejecting to stay in the same nest for too long.
Because I want to become an artist who just creates, but could create anywhere anytime in any challenge. I want to see my creative power flourish in the smallest, dimmest places. I want my creativity not to become just a wordly value but a light and fragrance in the midst of death and war. My creations carry vitality and life, that is unable to be judged through mere numbers or names.
I think about this when there is light pouring into my studio in the mornings. My works look the most beautiful when sunlight hits. I always dream of having my works displayed in a bright lit, window ceiling room. It's just astonishing to see the creations with light meeting the actual bright light. Light meeting light? Yes, I skew my eyes with love and absorb the moment holding my tea. I absorb the radiance that comes from that beautiful encounter. This will what the people see walking in my new space.
The perfection called Enough
"We call perfectionism 'enemy of the good.' Perfection is something to let go because orelse we will never start until the perfect."
All my works are never perfect, even though I strive for that. I strive for perfection every piece. But I know I will never reach to a certain point called perfection. I stand in between the admiration towards perfection and the embrace of imperfection. I grasp onto the work with layers until I see what I see in my soul, when the excavation seems to be finally happening. But sometimes, actually always, the stubbornness towards perfection rises when I am dealing with problems in life that is not solving or I am struggling with an element inside me unable to embrace myself. So yes, my artworks and the process are an exact portray of embracing who I am. When I have difficulties of facing challenges and problems I cannot overcome, I make a push inside my works and I feel that problem has been solved. Not in my hands, but in my mind. And that is actually how I overcome wars, inside out. When I am not able to find a breakthrough in my works I decide to leave the brush and walk away. Then when I come back I realize I am a different person than yesterday. And I don't hate that creative block anymore. Even the block becomes a part of my art. Of myself.
Meditating confidence has enabled me not to become perfect or fake myself that I am, but to just embrace and hug the way I am now, here, and make an action. Or sign the work and finish. Or click that button so it is released to the world. And be satisfied, and be enough. This means I am deciding to not look further for different options that are too many in this world, but to say yes what is in front of me. It means I take the destiny called the "present" and live out now. The most young, beautiful self. I am such a heavy thinker and used to be worse, where I am searching, thinking, asking, for the best option. The best opportunity. Because I want that perfect outcome. But confidence made me realize that searching, thinking, asking, could be an outcast of indirect fear of not wanting to be satisfied now, because I don't want to admit that I am not perfect. Not admitting what I am and what I have NOW. And the things I do not appreciate about my present. But confidence is a flip of that. It is to look clearly of who I am now, this month, this year, in this city and home, this age, this experience I have so far, and to admit that strength and weakness I carry now. How I look in the mirror now. The numbers in my bank now. To encounter that and make an action according to the "me" now. It is not associated with the past Yubi who used to this and that, nor the future Yubi who will become this and that. It is a solely present, now, tool that I have disciplined.
This is powerful because I always dream of next collection, next place in Europe I want to do my residency, next gallery I want to be part of, next market I want to show... So much possibilities I carry in my manifestation mindset. These are all essential to keep rolling my lists of success but at the end of the day, I have artworks that are in my hands today, this moment. My feet is grounded in a place called Oklahoma, and I am growing as an artist and a human back home. Confidence has brought me to root down strongly. I do plan ahead and reflect back on past but I want most of my heart here in the present, meaning, I want to love and embrace who I am now. And it is possible through confidence and respect towards who I am now, in this moment.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 💚
I have such strong push towards “growth” everyday, and this 2025 is the year I realized “eternal growth” and “vitality” were the two main elements I found that I strive to carry in my works and as a person. Forever. So I see this year as mere a time of seeding. I have accomplished so many and met amazing supporters who reads this, but it’s just a beginning. And seeding is necessary to see the bloom. Some day. I did used to be a bit anxious wanting to be the bloom as soon as possible, but I realized bloom happens everyday. Especially during the process. The path towards growth, there are small blooms, flourishing blooms that I sometimes don’t recognize. But this end of the year I want to solidly recognize those small buds that were always growing out under my wingbones.
It seems as all paths have the pinnacle where it reaches the highest point. And I sometimes trip because I am staring at the pinnacle without seeing the ground that I am walking on. And my thoughts have changed that the pinnacle in my life is actually circular, that top point always gets me back to the lowest place. It’s this simple fact that does the magic: that I am able to paint everyday. This is the uttermost one thing I cannot change with anything and that always sets me to ground. When doors may close, my wrists seem to get weary, and I am thirsty for ephemeral things of the world, I hold again to this fact. And I realized that this fact is all I have to make this circular journey move forward every time.
Probably the reason why I get a bit in a rush full of zeal is because I am so eager to give my uttermost beauty, talent, youth, strength, to the one that I love the most. To art. Because today is the day I am the youngest and most beautiful. I do not want to scale or measure what I can’t give, but pour out the best I want to this matter that I love dearly. And I have made a decision to portray that- next year, with my gallery. I am so excited to share and cultivate Yubi’s garden even if it may be a little while.
Thank you all, all around the world, reading and deliciously appreciating my creations and writings. I wish you the teal garden fairy to sprinkle that warm fairy dust of creativity onto you this Christmas. Merry Christmas! 🎄
Hugs and Kisses,
Yubi xx