"When we feel inadequate of being single, it connects to how we feel discontent of who we are as individual."
Singleness is a fairly new subject I have been pondering upon for a while. And it has been fascinating and challenging because it is a subject I thought in a different perspective as an aritst. As I have studied the pioneers of women artists in the history, singleness was definitely a merit for their creative career but was viewed lonely and childless. On the other hand, there were many who had fairly successful married/relationship life, although they did carry burdens of complication of relationships affecting their career and mentality. I discovered singleness through the teachings of Paul, and that made me realize I was actually leaning towards a goal in the future that I must never be single when I get older. And the motivations behind was not from seeking deep communion with a partner but the idolization of intimate relationship or marriage on social media, or my comparison of people around me seeking family soon as I can. Surrounded by those environment I naturally thought I would have to also, but realized at the back of my mind I thought, "Is it weird if I actually don't?"
And here is the answer I have found: singlesness is a gift. A gift as much abundant as being a couple or married. And I took time to confirm this myself because I had to find that right in my own life and career. Shifting into a career as a fulltime artist was a nervewracking transition which I naturally thought I would need someone that would support me with stable economic circumstances. But, finding joy in my career made me recognize there is something more important than stability. Is to have integrity with my work with first love, and to be able to give up stabilty if I cannot love my creative joy as the way it is: which is full of unstability, chaos, and spontaneity! Which I realized I was unconsciously thinking of a partner who could support my career. And I put this thought under the true light and realized, this was in a way wrong direction. I am definitely not ready to seek one for sure (laugh).
"When singleness is not appreciated, we tend to dedicate ourselves to work to be affirmed and appraised."
This is where my work comes in. I think I am still transforming my career from a way to be affirmed to a sincere joy to my soul. Artist career does carry much of appraisal and cheer from people, however, at the end of the day, I know I will do this even though if the world neglects me. This took a while but this transition really rooted me into singleness, orelse I would be striving to work for results, not for joy. And it's almost like I am dating my art, the relationship is just me and art, and it makes me very single. My time and effort, energy, mindset, are given most to one damn thing and that gives me satisfaction. Art does not affirm me or praise me, it's just art. It's pretty quiet but deep. And just reaffirms who I already am. Which is so beautiful.
However, I do have to admit, there are so many parts where I do have to be cautious so I do connect with the world and be not overwhelmed by the appraisals because it is inevitable. I do not see my career being a hobby that is only done hidden in the closet. I want the lampstill to be on the hill so all the world could see. But that is not the ultimate purpose, maybe secondary tie that tags along naturally. My ultimate gratitude is to be able to create and seek myself and the creator; to experience that singleness, my individuality, identity. Nobody defines who I am through a relationship but what I do and what I find peace in. That is healthy singleness.
"Singleness is to realize that the anchor of the joy does not depend on external things but inside me."
This means out of 24 hours, I spend the most time with myself. That's how it begins though. It doesn't mean I become a hermit. When those repetitive, alone hours accumulate, they naturally blend into the hours when I am with others. I am still doing the "single hours" when someone walks into the zone. And I am able to become more genuine self- clear boundaries, real emotions, vulnerability, sense of giving, and abundance of creativity. Meaning, singleness is quite opposite from a relationship- relationship bounces off that happy control to eachother. It's beautiful and thrilling. There is twice abundance of gratitude and meaning. But singleness, there is just one deep core sense of control to know where my joy comes from. It may not be as dopamine as another person may bring, but it could be more peaceful. And deeply echoing. Although such dopamine can disappear when the relationship ends or the person is not seen in front of my eyes, the anchor that singleness brings would remain lifetime.
What I am doing in my studio all day is probably something similar to that. Finding my ultimate control to peace of mind... Creating my world that is firmer and deeper that I can be the sailor to my boat whichever storm I may face in the dark oceans. And don't get me wrong, this is not just to become an amazing hell of an artist. It's to ultimately to share and give it to the world- even my singleness- because what I cultivate through being single is a tremendous bloom in this creative season.
cannot live without the external world, for sure. Because I am part of this world. However, it's about borrowing what the world gives granted - nature, people, universe, connection, air, art, history, creator- and to absorb them as mine so I could stand in a solid single and would be able to investigate the beauty that is revealed by myself, not others. This is the core journey of my singleness. Of course, it carries loneliness sometimes. But loneliness is caused when I have a hard time spending time with myself either I am listening to my complaints or I just keep self condemning. The practice of singleness is to dissolve all that, to sit with me whether or not I complain or self condemn, but to listen. Then they go away. And loneliness would slowly wither. Nevertheless, loneliness is a essential part as a growing human, isn't it.
"Be accepting of your flaws and ask help. Do not need to fake or cover the way you are."
I am definitely asking for more help after I embraced myself as single, vulnerable, and independent. Does not mean I am perfect I can do anything by myself. It meant I accepted the fact I am a woman owning a gallery all by myself and it is stunning! Means I could get advice and support from the community. I am not shamed for even to ask for mental support. Can you be there, just be there for me. That was probably the hardest thing I can ask for someone. But singleness means I am becoming more vulnrable and reaching for help. But this creates connection, sense of community, and humility. I actually realize I am not isolated just the fact that I am single, but more exposed to support and help from people. It's a quite beautiful irony.
Yes, I admit, for the longest time it was difficult for me to accept singleness. I anticipated the next relationship or acceptance through words- but I am now very excited to see the future differently. The future does not have to hold a possibility of goals that the environment has created around me - it should be wide open and free, just for myself who I am right now. And singleness has been given to me as a beautiful season, very unexpected, but maybe at the perfect timing. And I embrace- as a young, passion artist- to empower and be more single as I can be.