Pushing Through the Blooms
April, May- especially this month I felt that my life has been blooming. I realized all parts of my life: art, career, spirituality, family, relationships, personalities, all of the specific parts have been not just growing but creating new blooms and fruits. Beautiful blooms of vibrant wild flowers and fruits are beating in my life. It's unbelievable how abandunce feels, and it comes with the season, it comes without a vivid notice. But that is the surprise of it.
In my art I have been prolific than ever before; I am gradually finding routines in my routine of creativity in the hours in the studio. The hours are getting longer in the gallery and that does not mean I am painting more, I am able to abide in the place of creativity and not run away. Which this creates more prolification. The accomplishments are coming natural: the fruits of this is also patience and endurance. I am able to stand through the long hours that I was never fond of because diving in deep into the oceans of creativity is pretty intimidating. But I realized just standing in the midst of those fears and doubts is all I need; the time passes. My hands are still creating and my feet are standing. Then I have not only created new layers but new fruits of personalities as an artist and as a human. I am trusting more of the strengths I carry in my artistic style but my core qualities that are hidden below doubt, they are: joy, understanding, softness, love, perseverence, and appreciation. They all bloom in my works and shine like no other season I have been last year.
Career, having the gallery space has transformed my career as an artist. I am not just an independent, freelance artist anymore: I carry a physical space that requires responsibility- the space is physical, the responsibility is physical. But that does not carry in a negative frame, actually, it gives a holy weight. That weight of responsibility makes my role as an artist more meaningful, visionary, longterm, and transforms my attitude towards it. I am not painting to make money, I am painting because the world has bright expectations for me. They are gazing at me with happy eyes. I create for something beyond materialistic exchange of this world. I knew having a gallery would be a milestone in my career. A stepping stone. And it has been more than that. I am rooting down so fiercefully in this foundation I have for the year, absorbing the ground of soil much as I can. And I dream bigger, deeper, wider to the world as an artist. Not to go higher but wider. Expansion to the world. Such foundation with the gallery have given me unbelievable confidence. I have familiar faces regularly come and reside here with me as a community, I have started a workshop, more people are interested to be part of my collection.
In my family there are still many things rebuilding under the surface; a lot of things are underwaters still. However, there is definitely an abundance of joy and life that were not present before. The season before was pretty much a barren land and I thought nothing would grow again. But time still allows sunlight, soil, rain, and nutrition; there are moments when connection and intimacy burst time to time. They are small, but those small moments are making big ones and I sense that a shower of turnover is coming. And everything will be reestablished. I think family was probably the farthest component that seemed to be far from blooming and fruiting; however, art is powerful. It has revived me to slowly be eager for this family again. To pray out loud word by word so more seeds will be planted here on the barren lands. To recognize when it is the time for me to step in again. It was still difficult to revive those times that should not ever come back, but I realized I am a different person, grown artist, who can not only the barren lands but a fast growing wild field.
Relationships is about intimacy. In any kind of form, I think I have always been avoiding intimacy even when I was in a romantic one. Friendship that carried intimacy was seldom but pretty secure; I am still truly blessed by them but I am experiencing that intimacy in person now. Meaning, becoming vulnerable in front of a loved one, sharing prayer requests, spending long nights talking about life and watching stars. Opening up my time to someone or anyone new has been a exploration but it was been natural than anything else. Intimacy seeps in slowly through that rather than emotional sparks. The friends that I have met through this gallery have abundantly given me sense of stability, connection, belonging, and love. Lots of laughter, lots of blooms. The first loop of friends I ever encountered was them visiting my gallery for the first time; rest was just a snowball. Intimacy grows intimacy, more laughter. More fruits.
I absolutely love what I do. And what I do absolutely loves me. The love that we abide in eachother have incubated new lives for a long time and slowly have been blooming. New births. I sensed this so strongly in the beginning of May where everything in mother nature was blooming. The pink roses in our backyard peak blooms right on first week of May. And I realized my thoughts have changed seeing a peak. Before, I would have felt such satisfaction and let go of some strength to less strive. Because there are blooms already. Time to rest and step back. However, there was a motiavtion to push more- further. This acceleration of life and movement on my feet has already got me going and I know this season of blooming does not last forever. I think the acceleration intentionally started mid April and until now, I am still moving forward. I will not break, because break is coming soon. And the next morning when the sun rises again, I will absorb that new sunlight again and grow more, love. True love.