The Distance Away

Georgia O’Keeffe initiated herself to move to New Mexico because of the bareness. Even though she spent long years living in New York at the penthouse of the hotel- she called New Mexico her hometown and lived and painted there until her death. I alway thought and was told to do art I need to be in a city for marketing and networking- but never could persuade my inner deep voice because I basically never understood that statement. My art is not for marking or networking- if it was for something beyond that reality, but for myself- a Kingdom for God- connection between souls who need encouragement. Which tracing Georgia’s life all the way in New Mexico was a turning point in my artistic career and my perspective viewing the future of my career as well. I still miss here and would love to go back every summer. For that holy distance between the world- so I could work, work, and be pleased- just like she did.

12

“It was all so far away - there was quiet and an untouched feel to the country and I could work as I pleased.” -Georgia O’Keeffe

“나는 멀리 왔다. 이 시골같은 여기는 너무나도 조용하고, 아무런 사람의 손길이나 발길이 닿지 않는곳이었다. 그 멀고 먼 거리가, 내가 만족함으로 작업할 수 있도록 도와주었다.” -조지아 오키프

Aware of Individuality

Second look at New Mexico- again just about ten steps out from our airbnb… I still think again how that airbnb (find Blue Corn Trace Artist Barn on Airbnb!) was just perfectly located in middle of no where. That second day of trip Hoya and I just slept until late and had a huge brunch as Hoya made delicious Salmon baguette meal..(with soy sauce, yum) and I spent the between break just writing the trip diary while Hoya was filming his praise and worship youtube out in the field as well. The sun was at the right in between the clouds and the land.. What a pretty forecast it made. The b&w gingham checkered audrey dress (I seem to call all vintage dresses audrey dress haha) is from Amarillo, Texas, on the way to New Mexico. The buttons in the back is the point and how the drape of the dress is nothing you can find these days in modern skirts!

“I know now that most people are so closely concerned with themselves that they are not aware of their own individuality, I can see myself, and it has helped me to say what I want to say in paint.” -Georgia O’Keeffe

“사람들은 자기 자신에 대해 참 많이 우려하고 신경쓴다. 그러나 오히려 그 집착이 본인이 실제로 가지고 있는 가장 특별한 존엄성과 개성을 알아차리는것을 놓쳐버린다. 나는 나 스스로를 객관적으로 바라보는 법을 알고 있다. 내 속에 나만이 갖고 있는 매력과 개성을 볼 수 있고, 그것이 내가 무엇을 창작하고 싶은지 알도록 해주었다.” -조지아 오키프

When Georgia Blooms

This summer I watched When Camelia Blooms in Netflix- and somebody already had told me the main character - Camelia’s style- is such mine. And whoa, I was busy throughout the drama capturing her looks. This is why I am growing out my hair to match that long hair, overall dress, vintage 시골 vibe in Korea.. I mean Oklahoma haha.

This field is right outside from the airbnb I stayed in New Mexico- literally I just walk out and there is bare fields of cactus and mountains with full clouds. I brought my new vintage floral overall dress- and color dyed baby’s breath from New Mexico’s Trader Joe’s!

“I feel there is something unexplored about women that only a woman can explore.” -Georgia O’Keeffee

Essence of Existence

Second visit to this random yellow flower fields at Bixby- but at night! Sun was almost gone, but I needed this blue Audrey dress shot. Last look of the day! So I got a flashing idea to have Hoya’s carlights on and use them as light. I was doubtful because I do not like using artificial lights as the main source of light, but it worked. It looked like 90’s hippy lookbook or something; glad Hoya’s car lights were yellow not white which made the whole blue hour so warm but strong at the same time. I used to give up easily after the sun is gone but this shoot made me rethink of sunsets and to linger longer in the blue light remaining from Sunlight. Blue, green, yellow color palette in summer night- what can be better?

“당신이 사랑스럽다는 것은 존재의 본질이다.” -루이스 헤이, <하루 한 장, 마음챙김>, 2021

“The fact that you are worthy, lovely, and enough- is the essence of your existence.” -Louise Hay

Wearing the Heritage

Wearing the Heritage

I left to London because I thought there was something beyond just being a Korean, Christian, or living in Tulsa- wanted to see something different. But ironically, it was in the midst of the people, the country, that was completely different from what I am that made me realize who I really am, and that was when I started to see Hanbok differently. Clothing is an identity, name, and a historical root. It's pretty funny how far we go to recognize to find what we already have. The modest, circular lines, volume that wraps the female body without vanity. These days I plan to wear it more mix an match (maybe top and bottom-), let me know any ideas to bring this Korean traditional garments more in daily lives😊 Beautiful dress from @jote_ta

일상의 한복

한국인임에, 기독교인임에, 그냥 뻔한 아티스트인것이 지루해져서 매우 색다른 것을 찾으러 런던에 갔는데, 아이러니하게도 나와 너무나 다른 사람들, 아티스트들, 종교인들- 그 사이에서 나는 내가 얼마나 특별하고 특이한지 알았다. 그리고 졸업작품부터 늘 한복을 그리고 찍었다. 옷을 입는다는건 내 안에 무엇이 있는지 그것을 만연하에 들어내는 것이라 내 옷장에 한복을 하나씩 모은다는건 의미가 컸다. 우리는 대체 얼마나 멀리 가야 스스로를 알게 되는것일까? 알게 되는것 그 이상, 받아들인다는것은? 내가 가진 너무 뻔한것들에 대해 돌아보는것만으로도, 시간이 부족할지도 모른다.

원피스 @jote_ta

Enough Love

“이 세상과 우리 마음속에는 너무나도 많은 사랑이 존재하지만, 때로 그 사실을 잊어버릴 때가 있다. 사랑이 충분치 않거나 적은 양만 있다고 생각한다. 그래서 자기가 가진 걸 비축하려고 하거나 그걸 놓는 걸 두려워한다. 하지만 기꺼이 사랑을 배우려는 사람들은 자신에게서 더 많은 사랑이 흘러나갈수록, 내면에 더 많은 사랑이 쌓이고 더 많은 사랑을 받는다는 사실을 깨닫는다. 이것은 끝없이 무한한 흐름이다.” -루이스 헤이, <하루 한장, 마음 챙김>, 2021

“In this world and in our hearts there is so much love that we cannot measure or know. But in fact, we forget that all the time. And we tend to think that there is not enough love, or there is barely small amount of love in us. So either we try to fill that gap we falsely think with other tangible things- or we are afraid to let go of what we already have because we misunderstand we will fail without all those. But for all those who are willing to learn how to love- they know that as more they flow the love out with giving, actually they are accumulating much more love and they receive more love. This is a holy cycle, a flow, like river going to an ocean.” -Louise Hay

Riverside parkway is the long parkway road that leads Bixby into Tulsa (to Oral Roberts University, Brookside, Gathering Place, etc) and this is the road I take almost everyday to go to school, to downtown, and it has no red light and it is along with the river. At the end of the road where the first red stop is, there is a vet hospital called Riverside vet- and back of their hospital had this giant furry flower tree. The flowers looked like painting dripping down and obviously it was an untouched field. We parked at the hospital and went deep into the fields; I remember somebody yelling at the car across the street “You look beautiful!” and I laughed. Yes, vet fields are hidden jam! :)

The Back of Me

Hoya works at St Francis and this neighborhood is a random, quiet neighborhood behind the hospital. It seemed like it was not a neighborhood because it had so many hills and often at the top of the hill we’ll see peak of the south tulsa; there was a river & trail bottom of the road of the neighborhood, dogs off the leash were hanging around the road… I found a random land patch that was not a property and had the trees with greenery grown over the tree trunks. When I do vintage shopping I don’t know why but I’ve been purchasing these handmade fabric hangers (Are they what they’re called?) and brought one for this look. The two piece is my own design preparing for yubiboutique, even the fabric is vintage! (found it in Vintage mall at Valley, Alabama).

“그래서 어쩌면 ‘뒷모습’은 여기서 그 참다운 비밀을 드러내는지도 모른다. 그 빈약함 때문에 오히려 효과적이고, 간결해서 오히려 웅변적이고, 약점이 강점이 된다. 등이 말을 한다. 그러나 반만, 사 분의 일만, 들릴 듯 말 듯한 목소리로 말한다. 여기는 생략, 은연중의 말, 빗대어 하는 말, 암시의 세계다.”

-미셸 투르니에, <뒷모습>, 2002

“So somebody’s back reveals the actual truth we always seek in an existence. It seems weak, powerless- however because of such weariness it draws another new form of power that is efficient, simple, and strong in deliverance. Yes. The weakness becomes the actual strength. Somebody’s back will speak. In a very soft, wobbly voice… in such metaphors that only a few may understand. It draws the audience to another world that is hidden.”

PS. Thanks to Hoya being outside with me when the sun was the highest💙

To Love More

“우리는 되도록 더 많은 것을 사랑하며 살아가야 해. 진짜 힘은 거기서 나오기 때문이란다. 더 많이 사랑하는 사람은 더 행복할 뿐만 아니라, 자기 자신을 믿을 수 있어. 그 사람 역시 가끔은 흔들리고, 의심도 하지만, 그럼에도 자신의 마음속에 신성한 불꽃을 품고 살아갈 수 있지.” -빈센트가 테오에게 쓴 편지 중에서. 정여울, <빈센트 나의 빈센트>

“The only vocation for us is to love more. The real strength and power comes from the will to love. The person who loves more and deeper is not only happier, but could also believe in oneself. Yes, such path could bring doubt and rejection sometimes- but that person will live with a sacred fire that could not be abolished anyhow.” -From the letters to Theo of Vincent Van Gogh

I live in Bixby in Tulsa- (I still say I’m from Tulsa) and there are so many bare fields in Bixby. This field is a field that has been bare since I moved to Bixby 3 years ago. Didn’t know if these yellow flowers grow in summer, but I feel like I’ve been here way before I moved to Bixby and when I lived in Tulsa. Back then I remember doing a shoot with a friend from ORU, and the photos had exact same flowers and I remember driving with her and getting off the field saying ‘this is a random field that I love because it has yellow flowers.’ I still remember seeing full moon over the horizon and she was a beautiful woman in and out. Anyways, whether or not if that was the same place that I took my daily look here- wild flowers are worth to go for a hunt. Enjoy!

The Garden

This place is literally a sidewalk next to a road. We were driving towards the next location and I yelled at Hoya to stop and just turn in to a neighborhood (most exciting moments come on!). We parked at a house and walked towards the sidewalk where cars were just passing fast.. It was side fence to a house but these flowers were outside of the fence it seemed like it was not part of theirs but wild flowers. So big and wild that we couldn’t even see the house behind it. Plus, I thought these looked just like 무궁화, The Korean national flowers- and perfect for my next outfit which was pink lace vintage dress that I’ve had in my closet for almost ten years!

I remember two ladies in leggings walking by and watching us with surprised faces (and a smile). I couldn’t hear much because of the cars running along right next to us (so the camera was diagonal from me, not straight out)- but all worked out. Road shoots. Ah!

"내가 꿈꾸는 것은 정원이다. 내가 가꾼 정원에 많은 사람들이 와서 쉬다 갔으면 좋겠다. 내 꽃 모양, 나무모양 로고처럼- 무덤에서 점점 나는 정원으로, 푸르름으로 자란다. 이제는 큰 발걸음이 아니어도 괜찮다. 작음 걸음으로 매일 한걸음씩 나아간다. 그런 나를 어여쁘게 바라봐준다. (...) 하나님의 마음은 나를 사랑하는 마음이다. 나를 힘있고 아름다운 존재로 바라보신다. 이미 무덤이 아닌, 정원속에서 숨쉬고 있는 나를 바라보고 계신다. 그 시선이 하나님의 마음이고, 상징이다."

<Graves into Gardens>, 05.June.2022

"What I dream is a pure garden. A garden full of leaves. I see people coming to visit my garden and resting. Just as my studio logo represents a tree and a flower- I am not a dead tomb anymore but a living garden. It's okay if I cannot make a huge leap, because small steps are worthy enough. And I see myself with sublime beauty. (...) God's heart is a heart that loves me. He sees me as a strong, incredible existence. He sees me as a garden, not the grave. That perspective is him, it's all about him.

<Graves into Gardens>, 05.June.2022

Embracing Selves

I’ve only visited Hoya’s church twice; and it’s surprising you see things differently depending on what is in your head! (laugh) Which that day we coincidently visited his church for him to pick up something, and the light across the back of the parking lot was stunning. Plus we were already worn out from the previous two hot (literally hot summer Tulsa..) shoots, decided to give a try. I get so excited to shoot at the strangest, unexpected places- that’s when the light works and do its thing. That’s when Holy Spirit works, right? Would love to go back. The fence, overarching old trees…

“진짜라는 단어가 내포한 유일성의 뉘앙스 때문에 ‘진짜 나’라고 하면 뭔가 똑 떨어지게 한마디로 정리되어야 할 것 같지만 복합적인 관계망 안에서 어느 위치, 어느 역할에 있느냐에 따라 조금씩 다른 내가 튀어나오게 마련이다. 그 모든 ‘나’를, 내 안에 너무 많은 ‘나’를, 그 다면성을 모두 껴안을 때 비로소 ‘진짜 나’를 설명할 수 있는 것 아닐까.”

-최혜진, <명화가 내게 묻다>

“Because we are so used to the work ‘real me,’ it seems like the real self has to be defined in one single way. But in fact, the real self is created from different selves that exists in diverse relationships, diverse responsibilities, diverse memories from past and traumas- and more. Initially we cannot frame our real self, in one way. The only way we can genuinely be the real me, is to embrace all those many selves, then we’ll be able to explain who we really are.”

Sublime warmth

This beautiful white flower garden is actually smaller than it seems; it’s right next to Philbrook Museum & Woodward park in downtown Tulsa. The small garden was where it was located next to the garden learning center right to the parking lot. Small enough to embrace one person like me in full; the summer sunlight was so bright and made the white flowers brighter. This is where all the fabric garden series/daily look series started in bloom. I went back another time (this is the second time) because the imagery was just perfect as I imagined in my head. We cut some flowers around me just to use a little for my hair decoration; wonder if the people who work at the educational center take care of these and replant them according to the season (they were in such great shape even in 100f degree of summer atmosphere..). Miss here so much!

"For it lies in art's power to yield warmth to those we cannot reach, yet who need somebody." -Helena Schjerfbeck, 1953.

"예술이 가진 숭고한 힘은 우리가 닿을수 없는 그 누군가에게, 고독한 그 누군가에게, 어느 따스함을 건네주는 것이다." -헬레나 쉐르백, 1953.

Lingering Silence

“In her large scale canvases, Schjerfbeck now returned to historical subjects, and an emotional register which was later to become a hallmark of her style: a spirit of melancholy, an attitude of reverence, a mood of lingering silence.” -Salme Sarajas-Korte, Towards synthesis, <Helene Schjerfbeck>

This was the darkest photograph of daily look I captured; during the darkest hour of the day. The sun was basically gone, just with the blue tones left. Even this random corner of the downtown was tall concrete blotch with random wild leaves growing. Talking about the turquoise blue and darker shadows, I am slowly accepting the cold and the dark not only in my life but in my artworks too.. believing that it will deepen me as a person, as an artist…In the midst of all my bright, sun-lit photographs, these have been really standing out and have been attracting my attention, not because of the difference in look, but the echo. So I think about what should really be the right balance in my heart and my artwork- yes. The longer echo is usually created with the encounter of the shadows. And usually that shadow slowly smudges over me in melancholy moods, reverence of master artists, and becoming solitary. It is still a practice, but a mandatory one. And I am still walking. In the shadows, slowly.

데일리룩 컬렉션 중 가장 어두운 사진이다. 최근 나의 작업에 자주 등장하는 짙은 청록색과 깊은 초록색이 어디서 왔는지 알것만 같은 사진들이다. 핀란드의 여성 화가 헬레네 쉐르백은 핀란드 예술계와 동떨어져 본인의 시골집에서 홀로 작업하는것을 더 편안해했다. 그리고 천천히 그녀의 작업에는 멜랑꼴리한 감정과, 무언가를 경외하는 태도, 그리고 아름답게 흘러내리는 침묵이라는 색감이 묻어나온다. 그것이 홀로 있을 때, 예술가가 받아들이는 소중한 것들이 아닐까 생각해본다. 그리고 늘 밝고 찬란한 나의 사진들 속에서 유일하게 어둑어둑 그림자를 뿜어내던 사진의 숨겨진 뿌리는 나 또한 스스로 대면하고 싶은 그림자가 아니었을까. 홀로 방에서 작업하면서, 쉽진 않지만 그림자들을 더 나의 마음에, 작업속에 젖어들게 하는 지금, 내게는 너무나 소중한 작은 데일리룩이다.

Finding Self in differences

“나 자신을 있는 그대로 받아들이는 것이야말로 세상에서 가장 두려운 일이다” -칼 구스타프 융

This dress was the first dress I ever professionally got designed from a design studio, proper for the future Yubi Boutique. I drove an hour and 30 minutes to Atlanta to meet with the designer, and to visit the fabric store several times for few weeks to see this being made. I have been waiting and trying many times in the past in Tulsa to slowly design and create that one dress that will represent me. And Yubi Boutique will be all about that; the uniqueness that I only have in this world.

For the longest time I have struggled in my identity where I do not belong anywhere. I lived in States almost half of my life where everyone around me did not look or speak like me. I lived in Korea but that was only in my childhood and my teens; when I visit in Korea after I grew up everyone would used to ask me if I was from a foreign country because of my personality and style that did not look like the typical Koreans. Plus, having faith in Jesus was another outsided group that I belong that it was very difficult to find a community that resembled me. But now I think about it, maybe I chose myself to think and decide that ‘I did not belong anywhere.’

It wasn’t until I really focused my talents- photography, art, and fashion style- in Jesus, also with some maturity in mentality (laugh), I realized that what I have that I do not belong to any sort of social community, that is a blessing. It meant that I had a unique feature, background, language abilities, and faith, that only exists in me. Interesting story, this was found when I was in London. Apart from home, Oklahoma, in the midst of the most variety group of photographers ever, in a new environment of creativity and basically, life. I left to London right away after college without hesitant because I wanted to be in the group of photographers that might help me find ‘where I belong.’ But at the end, the experience there, was something on the other side. The buildings at Oxford Circus, where created and designed magnificently different from the square homes in Oklahoma, people who walk around with wigs, tuxedos, old paper cigarettes… Indian curry chain restaurants, Kebab places on the corner of the streets, Fish and chips, Tesco, and the Central tube line that would take me anywhere in central London… Everything, that was ‘different’ from me, made me realize ‘who I am.’ It was then I started to passionately study about Hanbok, worshipped Jesus every morning I would wake up with my 1/4 size guitar, and realized I had a vision from God to serve and nurture the next Christian artist generation. I realized what I am is so special, and not all about me could be in a single design of a dress, but I was excited to express the encounter of my roots in a place called London, England.

나는 특별히 제인어스틴이 살았던 시기인 Regency Era (1811-1820)의 옷들을 특별히 좋아하고 석사 졸업 작품을 위해 책을 기내용 캐리어만큼 빌려 공부했었다. 무거운 캐리어를 질질 끌고 튜브 (지하철)에 타던것을 기억한다. 그 시대의 옷 뿐만아니라 시대배경, 여성의 태도와 시대의 의미, 건축양식, 그리고 제인어스틴이 적었던 책들의 문체까지 흥미로워했었다 (사실 책은 지루했지만). 그랬다. 영국에서의 시간은 나 스스로와, 그리고 나 스스로를 알게 해준 나와는 아주 다른 무엇, 영국의 문화의 만남이었다. 그 만남을 그리기 위해서, 찍기 위해서, 나는 아직도 지금까지 이 옷들을 디자인하고 만들어하고 싶어했던건지도 모른다.

심리치료 가운데 장소를 통한 치유, geographic cure이라는 치료가 있다고 한다. “장소에 얽힌 아름다운 추억들은 심리적 면역력이 되어 위기에 처할 때마다 우리의 상처 입기 쉬운 마음을 다스려준다.” 런던은 내게 상처가득했던 마음이 치유되기 시작한 소중한 장소이자 나라이다. 런던 이후로 나는 여행을 멈추지 않았다. 장소가 내게 주는 힘을 무의식적으로, 저런 심리 치료개념을 몰랐을 때부터 알았던것이 아닌가 싶다. 나는 더이상 런던에 없다. 안간지 너무 오래 되었다. 그러나 그 장소가 준 나의 심리적 면역력은 나를 다른 사람으로 만들어주었고, 그것을 나의 작품에, 나의 옷에 담으려고 한다. 그리고 더 많은 사람들에게, 그 아름다운 추억들을, 나눠주고 싶다.

*1일1페이지, 세상에서 가장 짧은 심리 수업365, 정여울, 위즈덤하우스

When patterns meet

Anthropologie black floral maxi dress

Patterns, especially the ordered, rigid, routined ones, give me comfort. I don’t prefer the patterns that only one patch has focus of patterns and the other parts don’t, but the ones with equal scatter amount of patterns. I see patterns like floral patterns, even plads, a distinct character of a person. Even in psychology a habit of a person is created by repetition of choices in one person’s life, and a portfolio of an artist is created by repeated creation on the blank canvas. Repeat, and repeat. Seeing this dress reminds me of two different people but similar in elements combining together, encountering… And astonishingly, creating another whole another pattern. In Pride and Prejudice (2005), the relationship between Mr.Darcy and Elizabeth resembles such patterns. They first collide and abhor each other, as Mr. Darcy is a rich, prideful man in Elizabeth’s eye and Elizabeth being a daughter of poor family wanting to change her life through marriage. But later on Elizabeth realizes the qualities of Mr. Darcy that she neglected completely and tells her father for confirmation of marriage: “Father, we are so, so, similar. I was so blind.”

Yes. The different patterns that we all individually have actually less create distinction or discrimination, but help us realize how similar we are. And how we, when we collide, create another beautiful pattern. Another beautiful garden, another beautiful dress.

Close like Lavenders

These are actually not real lavenders, I believe they are some sort of close relative to the original ones. The original lavenders have a faded-purple color, and they are stiff and harder in form when I touch it. These scattered and broke apart way easily. I saw bunch of lavenders existing in New Mexico in that strong sun, crispy but blooming in the dry streets. Seeing them makes me realize how Lavenders are a perfect example of looking soft and calm but strong and firm inside. I pray I would nourish such heart, to be soft and kind but strong inside for others.

Vintage blue summer dress, remembering Japan

The House in Hiyoshidai

I lived by Tokyo from the age of eight to about ten. The light pale blue always reminds me of my childhood in Japan because that was the color of the house our family started to live. It was a two-story, mid sized home in a small town called Hiyoshidai. The reason I remember Japan so deeply in my memories is because Japan was when I first started social life I’d say, as I started first school ever there. It was where I was able to experience real relationships, and learned how to make friends going beyond language and culture difference. Probably this is why I feel like meeting an old friend when I encounter Japanese people no matter where, and I grew up watching Japanese movies and dramas more than Korean ones. The small town was small that I saw not much cars as I rode my bike to school, and there was strawberry farms close to us, also an old temple too. After school I was never home but playing with friends in the roads of the neighborhood- I barely remember seeing cars go past. The playground was wherever me and my friends walked, and we played a lot in front of my house. The blue dress is from Goodwill in Tulsa, and the color resembles my childhood, indeed.

나를 보면 일본어로 인사를 해주는 사람이 있다. 왜 나만 보면 일본어로 하냐고 물어보니 내가 일본어를 할 줄 알아서, 라고 말했다. 그 말이 생각보다 마음에 오래 남았는데, 나를 정의 하는 많은 것들 중 하나여서 그런것이 아닐까 생각이 들었다. 우리 가족이 마지막으로 함께 산 곳은 일본의 하늘색깔 집에서 였다. 아빠는 오전이면 조깅을 나갔다 출근을 하셨다. 나는 앞집에 살던 가장 친한 친구 유카와 함께 빨간 일본 학교가방 란도세루를 메고 등교를 했다. 일본에 대한 기억은 누군가에겐 스시이고 교토의 온천일수도 있겠지만 내게는 가족이자 첫 학교의 입학, 사회생활의 시작 지점이다. 여행지라 보다는 나라는 사람의 가장 원초적인 기억들의 보물창고인 셈이다. 그 집의 하늘색은 사실 저 빈티지 원피스처럼 좀 더 쨍했을것이다. 그러나 오래된 색으로 바래졌던 하늘색은 내 마음에 영원히 고향으로, 관계를 맺을 줄 아는 독립된 개체의 시작으로 남는다.